She is alive
by Eudaemonic
Summary: AU. Kagome tried to move on with her life, but what happened all those years ago changed her heart.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I am grateful to Rumiko Takahashi for her wonderful characters, for without her work, my story would not exist. I do not claim any ownership nor gain any profit from them.

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 **She is alive**

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 **Chapter 1**

Heart pumping, adrenaline rushing, exhale, inhale. "fuck". Kagome cursed softly when the metallic scent of blood filled the room as she landed softly on her feet. FUCK. She knew what was next, getting yelled at was never fun, but she always owned up to it, especially when this sort of thing happens rather often lately.

A sword clattered and slid against the wood floor "Fuck Kagome! get your fucking head out of the clouds!" the angry half demon held his sword arm close to his ribs as he tried to slow down the flow of blood coming from the wound on his shoulder.

Rising to meet his angry words she took a deep breath "I'm sorry, nothing personal Inuyasha! Is not like I'm out to get you! You should take it in stride and improve your technique" she made the perfect picture of indignation, hands on her hips and furrowed eyebrows, punctuated with exaggerated huffing.

"What's in your mind this time wench, huh?!" he said getting angrier "that mangy wolf you keep 'round? thought you'd rid of him by now" he froze like a deer in headlights the moment the words left his mouth; Kagome was scary when she was angry and if the shade of red she was turning was an indication, she was very, very angry.

"Contrary to what you think, asshole! you have no say in who I date! You don't have to like it, you are not my keeper!" in spite of the anger she knew she was not being fair, she loved her best friend and he meant well, but one can only take so much meddling before it became overbearing. Her love life, if you could call it that, was sufficiently complicated. Hard as It was to find prospects that were not intimidated by her, an overprotective dog trying to scare them away added to the mix made it all just peachy.

In a more subdued tone, she aimed to placate "if you must know I wasn't exactly thinking. You are a great opponent" she smoothly sneaked in an ego booster in her non-apology "so I can let my instincts take over and luck has it you heal so fast" why not, a cherry on top. And because she was a warrior, go for the kill "you are the only one strong enough to do this with me" pout, watery doe eyes.

A number of emotions passed through his face but quickly settled in his trademark scowl, however, he had been effectively appeased "Whatever bitch" he turned dismissively and started to walk out of the dojo while muttering under his breath "friendly fucking sparing, hell fucking right..."

She smiled gently at his retreating back knowing that he was fine, they were fine; just like their many arguments were just good old sibling squabbles "Love you brother" she said quietly knowing he could hear her just fine.

From down the hallway echoed a distant "keh."

The mood for training was gone and she felt a little deflated as she replaced the swords in their stands, she was however glad she didn't hurt him any worse. It had taken them all a few years to adapt to their new normal. As years went by and her training intensified, slowly and surely she started to get stronger than all of them. Luckily, they were in a good place now, she held back without insulting and Inuyasha didn't stubbornly push on. Good times.

With a renewed smile on her face she walked out of the spacious dojo, The summer rains had not arrived, late spring brought gorgeous weather and it called for a calming stroll through the manicured gardens that surrounded Inuyasha's house. The home was a restored 15th-century masterpiece of Japanese architecture nestled in spacious grounds that made you feel transported to another time. The building that house the living quarters was furnished with modern amenities but maintained the historical details intact. Other buildings housed an old-fashioned bathhouse fed by a natural hot spring, a small shrine, the large dojo she frequently used, a few others she wasn't so familiarized with. When Inuyasha's acquire the state a few years back her first thought was that the place was entirely too big for the single hanyou and the few staff member that made his household, but it was hard not to love the place. When she asked him about it he simply said it was a family thing, effectively shutting her up and her curiosity.


	2. Chapter 2

**She is alive**

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 **Chapter 2**

Kagome woke up but didn't open her eyes right away, she liked the feeling of the daylight as it filters through her bedroom window to gently brighten it up with the first rays of the new day. This new routine came about from one of the many changes she experienced over the last decade, increased amounts of energy and subsequent stamina that brought along not needing to sleep as much as she did when she was in her teens. It may as well because it gave her time to train or meditate before the day got too loud or hot.

With her eyes still closed, she stretched languidly getting ready to get out of bed when her hand bumped something warm "huh?" after opening her eyes, her fuzzy brain caught up. Right. Koga spent the night after having a session of mediocre sex, no wonder she forgot. Lucky her he has a demon and was inherently strong otherwise the previous adjective would have quickly turned to meh at best.

Kagome turned to look at him and propped her head in her hand, the wolf was good looking with his tanned skin and dark hair and pretty blue eyes, on top of that he carried himself with confidence. Too bad he was not particularly smart and a total pushover. She pondered for a minute and realized she was done with him, damn it! she hated when Inuyasha was right. "I have to break up with him" her eyes widened when she realized she said that out loud.

A disheveled wolf opened one eye still wrapped tightly in sleep "huh?"

She flushed and sputtered for a second "ah nothing, don't worry. Go back to sleep" She'd tell him some other time, a breakup was no way to start the day for either of them. With that thought, she got out of bed swiftly, got dressed, and rushed out the door making a beeline for the kitchen.

A slender youth walked into the kitchen, all auburn hair rumpled with sleep. He started digging in the pantry "I can't live on coffee alone, I'm a growing child I need sustenance" he gestured at himself dramatically.

Kagome, still slightly flustered was leaning on the counter drinking coffee not far from the pot she just brewed, "I'm sorry honey I need to go grocery shopping, I'm sure there is some ramen in there" she gave her son a one arm hug "and good morning to you too!" she said playfully.

"Instant ramen is not real food, that only works with Inubaka. This never happened when we lived at the shrine, you need to up your mom game!" Shippo pointed crestfallen "Grandma always had my favorites in stock in her kitchen, she still does"

They moved out of her family's house when she started making enough money and had a serious need for a fresh start. First to a modern apartment downtown because she thought it would be cool, later they moved to the traditional house they currently lived on the outskirts of town when she realized the value of quiet.

Her maternal instincts kicked at the moment Shippo joined their group all those years ago and she took him as her own, falling into the role of mother with ease, but her mom was something else altogether. She sighed dramatically "Oh man...I'll never live up to my mom's standards of motherhood"

"True" Shippo conceded and then winked, "but you are still my favorite" with a few inches height advantage, he enveloped her in a warm hug and squeezed.


	3. Chapter 3

**She is alive**

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 **Chapter 3**

Sango and Kagome sat in the sleek conference room drinking tea. Miroku was furiously typing on his computer. Shippo was gently petting Kirara. Inuyasha was late. Everything was as it should be.

"I'm breaking up with Koga" is how she broke the quiet nonchalantly after taking a sip of her tea.

Sango, her unconditional confidant and demon slayer extraordinaire acknowledged "Hmm," and carried on without a thought "by the way he is typing away in that computer I can tell something big is coming" she used her chin to point at Miroku.

"Did you hear what I just said?, I'm going to break up with Koga!" a slightly annoyed Kagome huffed.

"Yes honey I heard you, but what else is new? actually, he lasted longer than I thought he would" Sango's no-nonsense approach was always filled with sincerity, easily disarming any possible angry response.

Sango loved her friend, but her dating history preceded her. Getting into relationships without ever really investing her heart in the game and having occasional meaningless flings; many times she had tried to steer her in a different direction, but Kagome Higurashi was strong-willed in the same proportion she was strongly delusional about her own life. Funny this could be so, because she would bend backward and forward for others, immediately perceiving their needs and finding a way to help them in any way, however, she had not been able to fix herself.

"Yeah..." she looked around quickly, making sure Inuyasha was not around yet, what Sango just said would give him sufficient much ammo bitch about her choices for weeks. Lucky for her, he was chronically late, they even started giving him an earlier meeting time than the actual one to make sure the got there at a reasonable time.

The office of their little organization was located in a modern building with clean minimalistic architecture, a stark contrast with the business being discussed inside, the business of protecting regular people from supernatural and fairytale-like threats. The stuff of nightmares was commonplace for the ragtag group of friends, they had been at it for 15 years already, consummated pros by now. It all started when the Shikon jewel chose Kagome as its protector, the enemies that came with the responsibility, and the friends that joined her journey seeking revenge.

After their biggest enemy was eliminated and the troublesome jewel dealt with, the group had grown so close through years of hardship and triumphs that they stayed together. Fighting demons and protecting the vulnerable became their job. Early on, their cases went unnoticed by common folk and they made a living doing mostly odd jobs. Sango gave self-defense classes. Miroku worked as a mediator. Kagome played the part of maiden at her family's shrine. Shippo helped to put on a show for the kids that visited her family home. Inuyasha kept busy with family business, surprisingly he took the responsibility in stride after his brother left.

Later, the supernatural blended with common criminals which unavoidably put them on the radar of law enforcement. After some education and Miroku's famous negotiation skills, they became handsomely paid consultants for the government even occasionally private parties that required their unique skill set.

"About time you got here stupid!" Shippo didn't even give Inuyasha a chance to sit as he sensed his approach, "we can't wait for you all day, we have things to do"

The hanyou never disappointed taking the bait "shut it, runt."

Shippo glowered. "Are you blind! I'm as tall as you!"

At around 100-year-old, the fox demon had been the shortest of the group long enough to be taken as a fact, but after hitting a growth spurt almost overnight he now looked like an 18-year-old human, except with many more years of experiences and the ability to retain childlike wonder.

"Whatever, unlike y'all lazy bunch, I have a business to run" Inuyasha frowned. He moved swiftly into the room and swiped his claws aiming for the fox's head making him jump into Kagome's lap

Kagome made an exaggerated pained expression "you are too big for this Ship, what's next gonna climb on my shoulder?"

"I'm sorry, mama!" he fussed and jumped up "stupid dog!" he accused.

Kagome was all love and Shippo was her softest spot "I'm kidding sweety, you will always be my little man" she gave her son her warmest smile.

The fox blushed furiously but didn't refute and everyone in the room smiled with them.

Miroku clear this throat "Alright friends, on to business" once he was sure he had everyone's attention, he dove right in. "The latest reports indicate that thunder demons are responsible for the string of bank robberies and so far the crooks have eluded all police efforts." After all the years of working together they fell into their roles with ease, "we have the two most likely next targets so we'll have to split up" he pointed at the locations in the map, "for Central branch Kagome will scout the inside and Shippo the exterior" he gave them a moment to ask their questions "and for Southwest branch Sango inside Inuyasha out"

"And what will you be doing lazy monk?" Inuyasha pointed dryly

"Why my dear friend, negotiating our fees obviously" Miroku answered placidly and continued the briefing without missing a beat "Their MO is to attack around closing time, taking into consideration the distance between the branches and rush hour traffic you may end up working in pairs, but maintain communication through the operation and everything will work out"

"Piece of cake" Sango said confidently and got nods from everyone around the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**She is alive**

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 **Chapter 4**

Kagome sat through the debriefing trying to pay attention but thoroughly distracted by thoughts about of Koga which she had been dodging him recently to avoid having the dreaded conversation. She didn't want to accept that she was afraid of being alone and he ticked many good boxes; he was handsome, she was kind, he was a demon. Granted, the list was short but those were all important things for her so she was trying hard and hoped that she could possibly make it work.

Miroku droned in the background about strategy and future endeavors, but her present dilemma kept going around and around in her head until she accepted she already had the answer. Even when logic told her he was good for her she couldn't overrule her heart and the capricious organ was not in it. She had always made the important decisions with her heart and found she could never regret any. She was going to break up with him today.

"Are you ok mama?" Shippo looked at her intently as if trying to see through her, he was always sensitive and easily picked up on her pensive mood.

"What is it Kagome?" Sango asked with concern. She suspected her friend was sad after giving Koga the bad news. Even if breaking up was the right choice, Kagome was always so considerate of everyone's feelings that ending things with him was not easy. "he didn't take it so good, huh?"

"What?" Kagome confused for a moment until it dawned on her, "no, no. I haven't talked to Koga yet"

"Get it over with already wench! Get the whelp and yourself out this misery" Inuyasha exclaimed irritably.

"Now now Inuyasha, calm down. There is no need to use harsh words" Miroku tried unsuccessfully to calm his friends.

Kagome had it. She had made the decision but Inuyasha's intervention rubbed her the wrong way and she snapped, "MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!"

It all just went downhill from there.

"You are my damn business little girl! FUCK YOU! " he howled

"No. Fuck YOU! let me deal with my shit at my own pace!" she was livid.

"If I do that, you gonna spend the rest of your life with a fool you don't love! stop doing this to yourself" Inuyasha was furious but simmered down, overfull with emotion he took a few deep breaths to prevent his voice from cracking and softly said, "You can try to pretend all you want but I know, it's been almost 10 years Kagome and you are still not over it,"

Everyone in the room gasped.

He was not deterred. In a pained whisper, he said "you would be better off with the bastard"

She froze and all of her anger dissolved under Inuyasha's emotional assault and it turned into immense sorrow, blindsided by the weight of the truth she wavered, she kept trying to find in other people something she lost long ago and they couldn't give it to her. Her eyes watered, she bit her lip and struggled to take a deep breath. "Leave!...please" Kagome said, so softly that the humans in the room almost missed it.

Her friends rushed to her side while the white haired hanyou walked out the door without looking back.

The sudden memory of Sesshomaru walking out the door a morning all those years ago overwhelmed her. She was nineteen then and they had just spent what she thought was the most intimate night of their two-year long connection, she had been flying high with emotion and felt closer to him than she ever had. Sex is how it all started for them and it had always been exceptional, but intimacy was something that grew steadily as they got to know each other. Or so she thought because that was the last time she saw him.


	5. Chapter 5

**She is alive**

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 **Chapter 5**

Inuyasha left the city in a rush right after his fight with Kagome. This idea had been simmering in his mind for a long time but never before had felt so right to pull the trigger. He made his way up the mountains slowly letting the cooler weather settle his nerves, he needed the time to put his thoughts in order, he wanted to make sure he was making the right decision.

Kagome's history with his brother was a delicate subject and he risked much interceding like this, but one thing he knew for sure, he would do anything for her even if that meant rattling her cage. He couldn't stay idle anymore watching her lose the spark in her eyes trying to force herself to love someone when she had already given her heart away long ago. He had also watched his brother closely, and while still impassive he had relaxed over the years and tempered by and guilt and grief.

He was privy to details from both sides of the affair and for the longest time he decided to stay neutral, he didn't volunteer any information and because neither ask, he never had to lie. He did however listen, he heard them both tell their regrets and hard feelings. With Kagome predictably, the tale was often drowned in tears. Surprisingly, with his brother, the narrative was profoundly melancholic and full of affection.

Inuyasha found his brother in the engawa, he was wearing a summer yukata in a dark fabric that contrasted with the morning sunshine. He was sitting with his back straight against a column, one hand resting atop a folded knee, the other on his lap and looking out over nothing in particular as he often did. Sesshomaru must have felt Inuyasha approaching, but that was hardly out of the ordinary so he didn't acknowledge his presence until he stepped thru the threshold.

"Little brother," he said in a way of greeting turning his head towards his guest, "you are early for your monthly visit." A subtle deep intake of air told him of his brother unrest but didn't give much else away. He nodded approvingly, the boy was learning. Inuyasha surprised him in many ways over the last few years. Most surprising of all was the reaction to his sin, while the hanyou was clearly sadden and angry he had never tried to retaliate. He also accepted the opportunity Sesshomaru put on the table to train the body for battle and the mind to run the family business together. Through it all they grew closer than they had ever been, even if that wasn't much, the relationship was cordial and he looked forward to his brother's visits.

"Ain't nothing wrong with that, you told me I could come and go as I pleased." Inuyasha's brashness had mellowed down but far from gone.

"Hmm" the elder demon easily agreed as he unfolded to stand and face his brother. He noticed hesitance, for one that usually jumped head first without thinking was a clear indication that something was bothering him. He tilted his head and gave his brother an appraising look, "something bothering you" a statement, not a question. He knew not to push Inuyasha, he would come out with it when he was ready.

Sesshomaru suspected he hit a snag with the latest deal they were working on. The goal was to condense their ventures in order to be able to delegate more work, that way Inuyasha would remain in the board of directors but wouldn't have to go to the office every day, which he claimed was turning him into a zombie. He couldn't resent his brother for wanting more freedom, he had after all forgone most of the responsibility when he left. He still influenced the operation and execution through his brother but never directly as he had lost all gusto for corporate politics, his head was no longer in the game.

Inuyasha crouched into a defensive position which earned a raised eyebrow from his brother. He was not sure how he would react but didn't want to be caught unaware. He looked at the taller demon straight in the eye and quietly but confidently said, "she is alive" and braced for impact...it never came.

Sesshomaru's arms dropped lamely to his sides and gold eyes glazed over, frozen in the spot. His heart thumped in his chest faster and harder, his head swirled with an explosion of thoughts and feelings. His vision was fading to black and he dropped to his knees. Once the wave calmed down some he wasn't sure if he should feel elated or terrified, so he settled for a combination of both. She was alive, that was miraculous...still walking this earth with what he had done to her, and so he also felt shame. He closed his eyes to center himself. His first impulse was to rush to find her, but for once in his long life fear held him back, "is she safe?" he managed to croak but didn't get to stop the tremor of his voice.

The younger brother trademark bravado hid the unease he felt at seeing the other in such a state, "Off course she is safe you idiot," Inuyasha never knew why his brother thought Kagome was dead, but he never corrected him knowing it ensured Sesshomaru wouldn't show up and upset her. "and don't go thinking I'm doing this for you."


	6. Chapter 6

**She is alive**

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 **Chapter 6**

Kagome held the phone between her ear and her shoulder while she poured Merlot in a glass. "God Sango, I'm so mad! I can't believe Inuyasha went there, he really is too much sometimes. He has not even apologized!"

Sango heard the glass and bottle clicking in the background, Kagome tented to drink when stressed. "Cool down, he is just worried about you, and besides you can't hold grudges"

Kagome took a long sip. "I don't know, that whole thing is hard for me. This is different than any other argument. I think I need an actual apology this time."

"I hear you girl." Sango realized she needed to move the conversation to a different subject. "So anyway, I'll be taking two more classes in the fall semester, is slow going but I'll graduate eventually." She was working towards a degree in Exercise Physiology knowing that demon slaying was not going to be possible in old age and a degree would give her business more credibility.

"I'm so incredibly proud of you!" she could almost hear her reserved friend smile through the phone. "You have a few regulars from the self-defense classes you teach at the gym when you open your own place I'm sure that number it's gonna double, no! Triple!" she finished excitedly.

"I sure hope so, Miroku can't wait to start a family and if it was up to him we'll be getting baseball team worth of kids; I want to have a legacy for my children." thinking about it sent her heart aflutter until she heard Kagome sniffling. "Oh my god honey, I'm sorry." She cringed and felt instantly contrite. So much for trying to change the subject.

"Never you dare feel sorry for your happiness," Kagome said sternly and finished in a softer tone, "I will always be happy for you. You can talk to me about anything, I'll be their favorite aunt after all. The past is just that, right now the emotions are on the surface because of what Inuyasha said."

A lull in their conversation made Sango realize Kagome was not done talking about it. "Is he even in town?" I haven't seen him around the office and Miroku hasn't heard from him in almost a week" she took a deep breath, trying not to upset Kagome but giving her the chance to talk about Inuyasha. "Aren't you worried about him?"

"Pff, as if he needs being worried over, he can take care of himself." she dismissed her concern quickly. "I have to let you go, Koga has been busy and I haven't had the chance to talk to him until today, he will be here any minute."

"Ok sweetie, good luck"

Koga was all smiles as he walked in the house a few minutes after she finished her call. He was holding a bouquet of white hydrangeas, so thoughtful. She heated herself a little for giving him hope that they could be anything more than friends.

"Come on in. How are you?" she greeted him warmly but keep her distance as she took the flowers from him and put them on the kitchen counter.

Suddenly crestfallen, "Fine. I was looking forward to seeing you but something doesn't smell right. Are you upset? Did I do something?" he rushed the words as he followed her into the house.

He chased her into the kitchen and sat at by the island while she fetched drinks. She tried to ease up into the conversation not looking forward to breaking his heart. "No, you have done nothing wrong, at all. I had a fight with Inuyasha and I'm a little upset about that"

"I'll kick the shit out of that mutt!" Koga yelled in anger.

She was peeved and spoke a bit more harshly than he intended to. "You should know by now that I don't need anyone fighting for me, I can take care of myself." She took a deep breath and took the seat next to him.

"I know, I know Kagome, please don't be angry." He placed a hand on her shoulder and she recoiled minutely but he noticed and pulled his hand back quickly.

She smiled sadly at him, "I can't be angry at you, you have been really good to me."

"But…" he prompted her.

"But we can't do this anymore. It was fun it's over" her tone apologetic tried to convey how sorry she felt.

Suddenly looking forlorn he muttered, "No. Can't be, you are perfect. You are my woman. I'd do anything for you"

Kagome slipped out of her chair and pulled him to his feet. She looked him in the eye hoping his stubborn streak wouldn't make an appearance. "That exactly the reason why Koga. I'm not in the same place you are and I won't ever be... I'm sorry." She hugged him hard, wanting to show him how much she cared for him as a friend.

Kouga tried to say his piece, but Kagome didn't let him. Nothing he said could change anything, it would just prolong the inevitable. Not long after their too long hug, he left looking like a kicked puppy.

She expected to feel lighter after letting go, but she felt heavy and troubled. Koga's sadness and her own turmoil mixed in a murky mix that was choking her. She needed fresh air, a run would help expend some energy and distract her agitated mind.


	7. Chapter 7

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

His brother was vibrating with anxiety when they arrive at the family state so he didn't press much and let him go after he indicated the area of the city where Kagome lived in. That was more than enough for Sesshomaru. He would comb the whole city looking for her, he would unearth a hint of her scent if necessary in order to find her.

Days back when his brother revealed the piece of information that turned his world upside down or right-side up rather, he suspected obtaining his collaboration would prove difficult.

A little slower than usual Sesshomaru composed himself, even when he had things to sort through he knew one thing for sure, he needed to see her. "You will remain here while I get ready and then we will go to the city together." He paused to stand up straight and tall to look at Inuyasha. A strong alpha demanding obedience from his packmate, his brother hated orders but if necessary he would force his hand in this matter.

The shorter male surprised him with a casual shrug of shoulders, "whatever bastard, don't take too long, I have things to do." Before he finished saying he was already walking into the house.

It had not been arduous, quite the opposite. Inuyasha had relinquished the information he deemed necessary with nothing more than a hard look from Sesshomaru as an incentive. Now being so close to seeing her, a wave of dread washed over him after recalling what was said - "and don't go thinking I'm doing this for you." - The hanyou's decision to report her welfare was for her sake. What if there was something wrong with her? What if she was irrevocably broken and this endeavor would just torture him further? He started sinking towards the almost familiar blackness that had become prevalent again as of late when he thought of all the 'what ifs' regarding Kagome. But now was not the time, he pulled himself out of the gloom and would take whatever there was to come from seeing her even if it was more heartache.

She felt something at the edge of her awareness and slowed down her running pace. Stopped fully, looking around for anything out of the ordinary, but there were only a few families relaxing in the grass and dogs running around enjoying the mild heat of late summer weather. A few seconds into her contemplation she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, Miroku's name displayed on her caller ID. "Hey, Miroku don't -" she started but he interrupted her.

"Kagome! Where are you?" His frantic voice said much coming from her always level-headed friend.

"I'm at-" he interrupted again.

"No matter" she could hear him breathing ragged on the other end.

She frowned at his out of character disposition. "Miroku what's wrong, you are worrying…" Whatever she was going to say was lost when she felt it. Not as wild and indomitable as she remembered but undeniably him.

"Inuyasha just told me Sesshomaru is in town" he paused waiting for her reaction. It could be anything from a full meltdown to out of control fury.

The eerie calm she spoke with next was not one of the plausible scenarios, "I know, he just found me." she ended the call and left a dumbfounded Miroku, mouth gaping on the other end of the line.

Kagome felt the void in her chest grow and try to swallow her the moment she saw him. So much rushed back, a tsunami that threatened to knock her over like a twig. She would have succumbed if not for all her training. She thanked the gods for Sugano-sensei tough lessons and Himura-sensei ruthless instruction, for when they took her to the limits of her body and mind they made her able to withstand the powerhouse Sesshomaru was.

She stood straight and proud, waiting. Deceivingly calm, her muscles were tense and ready to spring into action without hesitation, her power simmered just below her skin ready to explode and expand into what she was now. Not the girl he left behind, but a force to be reckoned with that very few could stand against; she would be the tsunami if she needed to be.

When Sesshomaru first saw her, he lost control of his tightly bound youki. He saw her stop and look around as she felt the energy shift of his momentary slip. He reigned it in and watched her from afar for a moment longer. She was slightly taller now. The tight exercise pants she wore outlined her lean long legs, firmly planted in the ground by steady feet, upwards he followed well-developed calves that gave way to thick strong thighs that swelled to the luscious curve of her hips that once fit so perfectly between his hands. His heart swayed. If the mood was not so somber he would be intensely aroused, her lithe form never failed to do that to him.

He first came into her field of view a distance away and took his time walking up to her. Her figure was enticing and her power magnetic, his memories of her did not do her justice. What he knew to be a slim waist was hidden by the light jacket she wore, but I didn't do much to disguise her generous bosom. The distance between them was running out and he knew the time to drink her in would be soon over so he focus on her eyes, pools of stormy blue that hunted his dreams. The same eyes that once ago showed him a kind of love he never experienced before, were now hardened and resolute.

Sesshomaru stopped arm's length away, he could stretch his hand and touch her. He wanted very badly to smooth the wisps of hair that escaped the heavy mass of hair she attempted to hold with a hair tie. She didn't make a sound, breathing evenly, never faltered, held his eyes with her own steady and unmovable. He took a deep breath inhaling everything that was Kagome, sweet plum blossoms and the ozone-like tingle of her purity were almost his undoing. He could also smell the faint scent of a male clinging to her which helped him refocus.

He wasn't sure exactly what to say, even if he managed to say anything he suspected his voice would betray his ragged nerves, so released his youki in a gentle swell that was as much a show of power as a demonstration that he had no ill intentions. She responded in kind wave after wave, surprising him with the magnitude of her strength even when he had always known her to be capable. He noticed how much better command she had of her power but was much too distracted to realize how different it was from before.

The world stopped around Kagome and there was only him and his piercing golden eyes, she couldn't keep the memories from coming to the forefront. He looked the same as the last time she saw him, as it should be for he was not bothered with time. She was stunned by how clear her memory of him was, even after all the time she spent trying to banish him. Not a single hair out of place, same stunning pale face adorned with his heritage, broad shoulders, built of lean powerful muscles. Only his youki felt different, more rounded, more refined. She inhaled deeply, this was new, her sense of smell was no longer that of a human. She had years ahead of her to hone it, but she could smell him for the first time. Old wood, ink stone, fresh pine needles. She wondered if he always smelled like that or if he recently ran through the woods.

Sesshomaru's voice pulled her out of revery. "Kagome," he managed to sound like himself and not like the lost pup he felt like. "I will be staying in the city for some time" he finished lamely, wanting to say so much more but the words were stuck in his throat.

She tilted her head slightly waiting for more. More what? she wondered. What else could he say to her? What did she want to hear? A moment later she realized he wasn't saying more, after all, he was never generous with words and nothing he said would change the past. She blinked placidly when she realized he was waiting for her to say something. "You have always done as you please" she said with a neutral face and calm she didn't feel. Without delaying it further she turned around and walked away.


	8. Chapter 8

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

Kagome walked into the fragrant coffee shop and spotted her friend easily. The shop was adorned with eclectic furniture arranged in little groups, comfy chairs and plush sofas where you could sit for hours while slowly sipping their exceptional brews. Sango waved and gestured to the table showing she had gotten them both drinks. She gave her what felt like the first genuine smile in days and made her way to the cozy corner her friend claimed.

"Hi hon," she got up to tightly hug the friend that was more like a sister before taking the seat in front of her "I can't say your call surprised me. I was actually expecting to hear from you for the last couple of days. How are you doing?" Kagome usually wore her heart on her sleeve but when something cataclysmic occurred she was better left alone for a time to figure out what she felt. Sesshomaru coming back was most definitely cataclysmic, so she had taken a few more days than usual to reach out.

Kagome sipped slowly, taking a moment to enjoy the warm bitterness of her steaming cup of coffee. "I'm ok Sango" she spent the last days at home. She mediated, curled up in bed, and had quite a few cathartic crying sessions. "My darling, handsome boy fretted like a mother hen, a little lost until he realized I only needed him to keep me company. I'll have you know he makes a very comfortable pillow to cry into, should you ever need one" she got a little warm inside just now remembering Shippo's steady presence during her little breakdown.

Sango caught on Kagome's attempt of humor and joined in "I love you and I love him, but I honestly hope to never have the need" more seriously she said, "I don't think I need to say it, but anything you need, at any time of the day or night, is yours. Don't hold anything back, that doesn't help" she wasn't usually expressive but her eyes watered as she offered her friend everything she had.

"Ha, as if I ever held back anything," she said sardonically.

"You have changed Kags, you are not as you were 10 years ago. You know you don't have to pretend with me"

She managed to look contrite "I know Sango, I know, I wouldn't hide anything from you, I'm just not sure how I feel" she breathed in and looked inwards. "Even in my naivete back then, I never deluded myself with thoughts of love, I never forgot who I was with, but I was so sure he cared for me. It was impossible not to believe it. The way he was when it was just the two of us, we could stay talking for hours or just laying in each other's arms. Sex was always phenomenal, it was after all how it all started, but the intimacy is what made our time together so intense" she remembered wistfully. "It was as if somehow I broke through the wall he surrounded himself with, and I was inside, I saw him and he saw me. I felt so privileged"

Sango held her hand and squeezed gently. She heard Kagome's inner discourse before and it never failed to surprise her, in both the depth her friend's feelings and getting to know that side of Sesshomaru that no one save for Kagome ever saw.

She collected herself and found comfort untangling her feelings. "I know for sure it is not hatred, I'm not good at holding grudges. It wouldn't be the first time I'm able to look past someone trying to kill me. Maybe knowing what is not should be enough for now"

Kagome was selfless to a point where it became detrimental to her and for whatever reason fates dealt her a couple of hard hands. First when the jewel chose her as a guardian, dumping centuries of responsibility of her young shoulders. Later dealing with the devastating consequences of Sesshomaru's departure. Sango would give her life if that meant making things better for Kagome. "I'm here for you Kagome"

The love coming from Sango was almost a tangible thing. Her nose told her the sour smell of her worry and warm buttery sincerity. Kagome was overwhelmed and she shed generous tears of joy. Crying in public wasn't so bad when they were happy tears. The two friends hugged tightly for a long time until Kagome managed to pull away and look into the chocolate depths of her slayer friend, "what I'm gonna do without you Sango?"

"Shush now," she patted her head wanting to soothe her fears "we still have many years together. No need to think about that right now." she managed a playful smile "you can keep an eye on my progeny" the last made them both burst into giggles.

Feeling lighter than she had in days, she wiped her tears and sat back down. "I want to hear everything about school, spill it!" she demanded.

Sango smiled, happy that they managed to pull themselves out of the funk. "You are going to love this," she said crossing her legs and taking a short sip of her drink. "I'm basically the mom of my class, every single one of the other students is way younger. I knew I jumped on the college bandwagon late, but damn! On the bright, side it kinda makes me feel younger having them around so much"

Kagome laughed. loud and unrestrained

Kagome's bubbling laugh was exactly what she was aiming for so she sat back, a huge grin on her face, fully satisfied "I love you, Kagome. Don't forget anything I've told you. Now I have to run for class." they hugged and kissed.

"I love you too Sango" they hugged again. "Go and show all those kids whos boss!" She said enthusiastically, and she did feel better after their talk


	9. Chapter 9

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

It was an unseasonably cold September afternoon when Kagome rushed from her car into the warm interior of the office. She had not been summoned in a while, the last month or so had been slow, which was not completely out of the ordinary, for whatever reason demon activity seemed to come in waves with periods of relative calm in between. Any little fires that popped up Shippo or herself took care of without having to meet or strategize with the whole team. Sango had school, Miroku, as usual, working on the backend, and she really didn't want to think what was keeping Inuyasha busy.

She was having a hard time getting Sesshomaru out of her head, and she suspected his presence had also influenced the hiatus. He was one of the most powerful demons alive and however relevant his title was nowadays, he still was the highly regarded Lord of the West amongst the yokai community. Her little group's handiwork was inevitably linked to him by Inuyasha, possibly making most foes wary of making a move.

When she walked into the conference room, the first thing she noticed was that the white haired hanyu was already there. Odd. he was always late. In the same line of strangeness followed Sango's blank face, Miroku's sweaty brown, Shippo's angry scowl, and ended with Sesshomaru's standing in the back of the room wearing his usual unreadable face. Strange indeed. The tension in the room was substantial, but she felt no hostility so she walked and took her regular seat next to Sango, business as usual.

From his seat at the head of the table, Miroku gave Kagome a look that was at the same time apologetic and expectant. Even if her nose didn't work, his indigo eyes told her what she needed to know, they had her back and would support any course of action she decided on. After the silent reassurances, she gave him a barely discernible nod and a small smile.

In spite of some lingering hesitance, Miroku plunged forward direct to the point, niceties didn't seem necessary right now. "Sesshomaru-sama approached me about working with us." Two of the occupants of the room gasped but with a firm hand, he halted any rebuke. "We are not a dictatorship and this will be a group decision, however, I urge you all to set aside personal feelings and consider the impact of you edict," he said gently as he leaned back into his chair waiting.

Even after Miroku's speech, she knew the decision was up to her. She took a moment and recalled the conversation with Sango a few days ago - I know for sure it is not hatred - and it wasn't. She was afraid but would not to let the fear rule her life. Looking unfazed and collected she cleared her throat, "Sesshomaru is an invaluable asset," she said confidently and gave everyone a look that stopped them mouths agape. "Our life's work is to protect those who cannot protect themselves, it would be foolish not accept an ally that can help turn the tides in our favor." She said with the poise of a wise leader.

She saw only acceptance in her dear friends and son and knew she made the right choice. The relieve she saw in Inuyasha gave her pause, and something unreadable simmering in Sesshomaru's eyes poked at her heart.

Miroku took full advantage of the stunned silence in the room and charged on, "Good timing too because we have a complicated case." He easily left behind the hesitance and dove into full-on strategist mode. "From the police reports and the trail of bodies left behind, I have gathered that two or more highly poisonous yokai have made our city their hunting grounds, they are not being shy so we know where they are hiding." he marked the spot with an X in the map. "Most concerning is the possibility they are holding a human hostage" he finished gravely.

This development was most out of the ordinary. Wicked demons were not known to keep humans alive, they either eat them or kill them if they were on their way. Kagome's mind supplied her with horrific visuals of what could be happening to this person and a sense of urgency started to bubble inside of her. Everyone else looked just as stunned as she was.

It was Sango who asked the questions in everyone's minds. "What do you know of the hostage?"

Miroku gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and said, "She is the girlfriend of one of the victims, his body was found but no trace of her" he mournfully confirmed the team's suspicions. "22-year-old, dark long hair. I have a picture" he pulled out of a file and passed it around the table. "The hostage situation alone is critical. In addition, the post-mortem examination of the victims showed the venom to be a remarkably strong neurotoxin. That said, only our best two will be going on this assignment," He had delayed this moment to make sure he was making the right call "Kagome, Sesshomaru-sama. You are it." Under any other circumstances, he would send Inuyasha, but Sesshomaru's abilities gave the mission the best odds.

The others curved their arguments for their friend's sake, even they knew it was the right course of action.

Kagome gave a nod and looked at Sesshomaru to make sure he was on board. A slight tilt of his head told her he was. "We'll rendezvous here in two hours, attempting an ambush during daylight is dangerous. Be ready" she adopted a business-like tone that came naturally when the situation called for it. "Inuyasha, I want to talk to you in private" she started to walk out of the room knowing he would follow.

Sesshomaru was astonished. Before, Kagome would have shed sympathetic tears for the hostage. He looked at her closely and saw the emotions rushing through her, but didn't let them get out of hand. She is not the same. Old Kagome would seek counsel before calling the shots. Old Kagome would have apologized to her team members for indirectly putting them down by being called the best. Old Kagome would have thrown a fit and started an argument with Inuyasha right in front of everyone.

"She has gone through significant changes since you last saw her," the astute monk said from a few paces behind him.

He answered with a bland "Hmm" it didn't please him the monk was able to read him that easy


	10. Chapter 10

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

Soundproofing was commonplace for them, that with having demons all over. A few rooms at the office and even at their own homes were surrounded by the latest technology in sound isolation available, privacy in a world full of sharp ears was expensive but necessary.

Only the tightening of fists betrayed Inuyasha's anxiety when the door closed after them. Safely inside she didn't bother sitting down and took the opportunity to square her friend with a soft look. "Why?" it was a question that had been bouncing around her head since the day Sesshomaru came back. It was clear enough Inuyasha knew he was coming, both because he told Miroku ahead of time and because he has not putting up a fight but rather supporting him.

He would kick himself if he could. For a moment he couldn't remember why he decided to get involved in this, but one look at her pleading eyes reminded him. He took her hand and caressed it with his fingers and said in earnest "You need this Kagome, you need him." It was hard to defend Sesshomaru, their own relationship was troubled but the bastard was trying, after all, he joined their group just to have an excuse to be close to her.

Her jaw dropped open "what…" utterly speechless.

Inuyasha was not good with words, he was the type that rather show than tell, but saw the disbelieve in her eyes and knew she needed more. "He is different, you have to give him a chance"

She felt the air leave her lungs all at once, "a chance to what? To finish what he started? To kill me properly this time?" whatever she venture to guess before, it was not this.

"No stupid. He would never hurt ya...you don't know what happened" he took her other hand pulling her closer, she looked ready to crumble. It was not his story to tell but he wanted to make her understand he was on her side.

"Never hurt me..." she said in a voice so tiny that made her feel like a five year old. The absurdity of those words made her eyes fill with moisture. "I was there, remember?"

He pulled her fully against his chest, hugging her tightly, breathing her in. Kagome was so strong that seeing her like this made him weak in the knees. He whispered to her ear, "please, give him a chance", - a chance to explain himself, a chance to get close to you, a chance to apologize, and chance to heal you - is what he wanted to say but knew it was not the moment unload this onto her.

He had been her pillar of strength for so long, it was easy to lean in and trust him. "I love you so much" she pressed her face into the crook of his shoulder finding unmeasurable comfort in his heat. "I was afraid I fucked up and you hated me" her voice muffled by his skin.

"Keh, little idiot," he said fondly and pulled away to look at her face. He shook her a little as if trying to dispel the look on her face which earned him a smile. He leaned and kissed her forehead "never."

Kagome left shortly after talking to Inuyasha and was back at the office less than two hours later after gathering her things. One step inside the building later found her nose to nose with her son. "Are you sure about this mama?"

The deep concern in his young face almost destroyed the tight control she had on her rioting emotions. Her little kit. Her precious boy. Her observant wonderful son. "How did I ever get so lucky?" she hugged him fiercely.

He had no choice but to hug her back. He was worried about her heart. He trusted her strength in battle, but even he was walking on thin ice with the whole Sesshomaru situation. Over the years he witnessed her struggle with sadness and pain and was afraid to see her down again. He asked with worry laced in his voice, "will you be ok?"

"Of course I'll be ok, sweetie," she said pulling back "the big guys is coming with me" she pointed at Sesshomaru.

Her attempt at humor was lost in the gravity of the moment.

"Make sure to keep the comms open, we'll be quiet but ready if you need us" Sango gave her a one arm hug after handing her the earpiece.

She gave her friends a resolute nod and turned to Sesshomaru. "Let's go"


	11. Chapter 11

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

Kagome was clad head to toe in black. Long sleeves, high neck shirt, tight pants. He was not certain if the outfit was meant to keep the cold away or aid stealth, probably both. Sesshomaru admired her shape outlined by the tight clothes, lush curves lean and strong. With a slow blink, he called forward memories of how it felt to run his hands over her naked, soft skin. Another blink sent it all back to where it lived inside of him. She was also wearing a sword strapped to her back, apparently commonplace enough that none of her comrades commented on it. Kagome with a sword, that made his mind reel.

As they got in her car he looked on as she placed her sword in the back seat, "No bow." It was not exactly what he wanted to ask but he didn't want to pry.

She seemed surprised. "Huh? - well yes, I can't risk the hostage using long-range weapons" she answered with ease putting the car in drive.

He studied her profile as unobtrusively as he could. She was wearing her hair in a high tail which left the long column of her neck bared for his inspection. Beautiful. He remembered how a gentle caress of his claws would raise bumps on her skin and make her moan, he always marveled at how responsive she was of his touch. She was there, so close, warm and real. The warmth he knew once had thawed his cold heart. Without thinking he was reaching for her when she moved her hand and their fingers brushed together. He froze. She jerked her hand away. She looked at him and saw confusion in her eyes, he found it very hard to look away.

She felt his eyes on her but forced herself to stay focused on the road. The silence in the car was uncomfortable, but not oppressive. He had no discernible weapon, he was a walking killing machine on a bad day so no need to bother. He hadn't changed from what he was wearing earlier, dark grey trousers, button-down white shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and black boots. A tiny smile played on her lips. He made demon hunting look like happy hour after a workday. She mindlessly reached out towards the gear stick, recoiling when the sudden touch of his fingers felt like an electric jolt. When she looked up, he was frozen, staring at her. She thought she saw hunger in his eyes, something impossibly beautiful that made her heart pound so hard she could almost hear it over the hum of the engine. When they arrived she felt like she had been holding her breath, once out of the car she could finally exhale.

The area was industrial and wore down, leaving the car right next to the target warehouse was inconspicuous and convenient. Sesshomaru trailed closely after her, he may be strong but he knew she did this often and would follow her lead. They easily hopped to the roof of the building were dirty and cracked windows would give them a view of the interior of the abandoned building. As they got closer the faint scent of human blood darkly told her she was in the right place. She rushed forward but Sesshomaru made a soft noise that called her attention and with a long clawed finger pointed to his nose, her brows creased and she nodded in affirmative and turned quickly missing his puzzled look.

Miroku's suspicions were confirmed when she identified the perps. "Sarori" she said to herself but Sesshomaru heard her. Escorpion yokai, masters of the most deadly poison of any demon species that even rivaled Sesshomaru's own. This could be a complication.

He spotted the occupants down below, obscured by the rubble that littered the floor. He could see two demons and a human female. One of the demons lounged pleasantly in a dilapidated couch watching on while the second circled the human with predatory grace. The human was tied to a chair, her ragged clothes darkened by blood. She gave a blood curdling scream every time the prancer slashed at her with a dagger. He encountered this type of demon before, their poison would kill the girl immediately, the current tactic was aimed to draw out her suffering, keeping her alive long enough to endure whatever torture they planned to inflict on her.

He saw fury spark in Kagome's eyes but she remained rooted to the spot. Oh so very softly he said "purify them" it seemed like the best strategy to him.

Her brows creased and a frown painted her face. Fuck. She cursed her strength. "I can't." Her answering hiss was low and strained. From this distance an attack strong enough to purify a demon would scorch a human, anything less would just stir the other into action eliminating any odds of the girl's survival. Awesome downside of being too fucking powerful, she thought sardonically.

She wasn't ready, but she was going to have to trust Sesshomaru. She eyed him sternly, "distract them" he didn't give an answer, just dropped to the inside of the building. It wasn't lost on her how he just took an order without so much as a blink. "Call EMTs to the scene in five minutes, this will be quick" the last was for her team. There was a hospital close enough, the ambulance wouldn't be long coming.

She waited until Sesshomaru had their attention. He easily evaded sprays of poison and clumsy sword work whilst getting them away from the girl. Once inside the building, she heard how the taunts failed to agitate her companion and stayed focused on getting to her target. When she reached her the girl she had her eyes screwed shut. Kagome put a gentle hand on the shoulder of the petrified girl, "hey, don't be afraid. I'm one of the good guys" she murmured and moved to undo her ties all the while summoning her healing energy.

Her energy surge alerted a newly arrived third demon that started his rapid approach toward Kagome, she felt him close in on her general direction from behind. Still, with her back towards the newcomer and in a matter of seconds she discreetly unsheathed her sword, made sure to have a barrier protecting the girl, and was ready to parry the attacker. Then she saw a flash of white.

Sesshomaru continued to fight off his two opponents, in hindsight a sword would have been best. These two while not great fighters were fast enough to dodge his energy whip and fend off his claws with sprays of pungent poison, he was far from rusty but it had been a while since he has to fight outside of sparing with Inuyasha. All the while, he kept an eye on Kagome currently busy tending to the human girl. Shortly after, the familiar tingle of her healing energy surged and he missed a beat, just a second reminiscing about the feel of it on his skin.

When he came to, he felt the presence of another demon rushing toward Kagome. His mind when from battle ready to a black tunnel where he could only see and think her. Unsuspecting Kagome with her back to the attacker, noble Kagome that would placer herself in danger to protect the innocent, very human Kagome that would succumb to poison in a blink. "NO!" his own scream sounded disconnected and foreign, raw and wild. A living thing surged inside Sesshomaru, it should have been rage but I was blinding fear. He rushed forward.

A rush of air blew her bangs and she found herself facing Sesshomaru's back. Quickly her eyes widened in understanding. After stunning the two he had been busy with, he effectively dispatched the third and newest foe with a fierce sweep of his claws, however, in his rush to shield Kagome he didn't have a chance to evade the gush of poison. For one of his power his movements were slow and stiff, it dawned on Kagome that he was gripped by fear, fear for her. "You big, dumb demon" she meant to sounds angry, but her voice was thick and tight with an emotion she didn't want to describe.

Pain. Intense burning pain tried to overwhelm him. He blinked slowly trying to clear some of the haze and smirked at the shredded remains of the fool he just killed. "You big, dumb demon," Kagome said in a raspy voice and was veritably vibrating behind him. He tried to turn to look at her but lost his balance and dropped one knew to the floor. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her turn into a black blur, shook his head to clear it and looked again. Kagome crouched, sword at her side, it took a heartbeat to leap at the two others. She slashed a wide arc at the projectile poison and he saw how it sizzled onto what he realized was a barrier. Another almost blur and she was behind them, with one last shorter slash both heads hit the floor with a wet thud. If he could focus, he would have noticed Kagome's impressive speed and flawless technique, but curse the gods this pain was distracting.

The next moment played with remarkable clarity for one enduring intense pain. Kagome expertly flicked the blood off her blade and resheathed it. Her face was obscured by anger and something else as she took a confident stride toward him, and past him. She didn't spare him a glance as she made her way to the girl that was still sitting in the blasted chair in a borderline catatonic state. In the same position, one knee to the floor, he lowered his head to curtain his face with his hair. He should feel shame to be reduced to this, but he couldn't find any. He had no right to expect anything else from her. This was not the worse way to die, he got to see her again after all.

Kagome cradled the terrified girl in her arms, helped her stand up whilst supporting most of her weight, and made her way towards the front door. She soothed the girl with the most comforting hug she could come up with amidst the turmoil in heart, with her healing energy made sure all her cuts were closed by the time they reached the door. The ambulance would find her easily here, she could hear the sirens getting closet. She wanted to tell the girl that everything was going to be ok, but that was not true. Her love died and she was tortured, it would be a long road to recovery. "It's gonna get better, sweetie" which was the best thing she could come up with. After settling the girl down as comfortable as possible she kissed her forehead and applied pressure to a particular spot in the girl's collarbone laying her relaxed body on the floor.


	12. Chapter 12

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

Kagome walked in to find Sesshomaru is the same spot. She was not sure what to feel so she settled for familiar indignation. "You fool! That didn't need to happen!" she tried her best to sounds angry but found hard to continue the ruse when he looked up with stunning golden eyes full of surprise.

"You came back?" he said, voice hoarse and this time clearly a question.

Taken aback by so many things happening at once Kagome said gently, "I can take care of myself"

"it is not a bad way to die," he said solemnly.

Kagome approached him with hesitation and waited. He was proud and surely would not take lightly to be carried out, so she offered him her hand. "You are not going to die, not from this. Come." The poison was strong but so was Sesshomaru, she would help. He could beat it.

He took the offered hand, she pulled him up to his full height and started walking towards the car. She draped his arm over her shoulders and wrapped an arm around his waist. He wished so badly for this pain to go away so he could feel her against him, the warm curve of her hip and her breast, and the strength of her callus hand pulling him close.

Kagome walked with him all the way to the passenger door but did not help him in, she really was not ready to overstep his bounds right now. She climbed in and started driving without delay. "It's just a short drive to my home. I need to get you somewhere safe and comfortable before paralysis sets in".

She drove for a couple of minutes in silence until movement caught her eye. Sesshomaru was writhing in the seat, the pain must be unbearable, she needed to distract him. "So...what have been up to for the last decade?" was the first thing to fall out of her mouth in her clumsy attempt.

Her strategy worked because he calmed down and huffed. "Thinking of you, Kagome" his voice was more throaty than either of them expected.

"Ahh…" it was suddenly very hard to speak.

He was half dazed by the pain and immensely moved by her proximity and concern. He was never generous with his words, right now was a good time. Talking would at keep him distracted from this physical pain and perhaps lift some of his burdens. He took as deep a breath as he could and gave his aimless thoughts a semblance of order "I am so sorry Kagome," he heard a deep intake of breath and charged on, his voice was soft but fierce. This needed to be said. "I was a coward... I couldn't accept what it meant, what you meant to me and it made me angry. I chose to see you only as a weakness… I refused to be prey and the only solution I found was to kill you..." his voice cracked.

She felt numb. He was strong and remained mostly composed in spite of the pain, while she felt like crumbling from the blow of mere words. She steeled herself, she needed to know why. She nodded and he kept on talking.

"There were so many times I could have easily end you as you laid completely trusting and naked next to me. So easy...but I didn't, I couldn't. It made me furious" he gave a mirthless laugh, "I was convinced that everything would go back to the way it was supposed to be by leaving you behind" he paused as a wave of pain overtook him, whoever, he was not sure if the pain was a memory or the real thing. "Kagura got involved by chance, ah...I thought giving you up to her would show I didn't care…I thought...I knew you could hold your own against her..." the pit in his stomach felt like a bottomless well when he remembered what it felt like. He now knew she was alive, but that didn't make the memory less painful.

Sesshomaru was suddenly quiet and Kagome saw him turn a new shade of pale. She was grateful for the sturdy strength of her steering wheel, gripping it was the only thing holding her together. Her breathing was getting increasingly shallow as she tried to keep the tears at bay. "We are almost there" she managed to croak. He was breathing harder and faster, the pain was flaring.

He shook his head trying to clear the fog of pain, he was engulfed in a blend of past and present. "Kagome...I didn't know of the bond, but the moment it was gone I was lost... you died -" he cut himself off, choking on the words. "I... killed you - you were gone" he whispered sounding delirious.


	13. Chapter 13

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

They arrived at Kagome's house after a few minutes of stunned silence, pain and anguish from her memories had her feeling raw and exposed. He seemed to be in a trance, moving about like a doll without putting any resistance. She removed his tattered shirt and confirmed his wounds were long healed and laid him down on her bed. The only indication he was still in pain was the sweat gathering in the short hairs that framed his face, she could tell paralysis had started setting in. She held his face in her hands to get his attention, his eyes focused on her. "The toxin overloads your neurotransmitters causing pain and widespread paralysis, starting with your limbs and working inward until all organs shut down. If you let me in I can help, I won't let you die. You can heal the rest" She tried sounding confident, there was no way to know if it was going to work. His small nod of agreement broke her heart.

She hovered over him letting her healing energy fill him, the soft glow filled the room with peace. With her eyes closed she felt herself slip inside of him, he surrendered completely to her scrutiny. In his bloodstream seeping into his muscles she found the enemy, and like anything demonic, she purified it. Much damage was done. She soothed while she took inventory of his functions and organs.

When she opened her eyes she found herself draped over his naked torso. Next, she noticed how the full moon was much closer to the horizon, I felt like a short while for her, everything happening at once but clearly had been much longer. Going in she was tense and at the edge of a breakdown, coming out she felt a deep melancholy and sorrow that she knew was not only hers.

"Kagome," he said with a barely-there voice. He wondered if he died and was in heaven. Then she rolled off and he remembered there was no place for him in paradise.

At the sound of his voice, she rolled off of him realizing he was awake. She landed right beside him stretched out on the bed. He made a strangled sound when he tried to reach and stop her but he couldn't move. "There is still some paralysis but it will go away soon...I can help you sleep" she offered with hesitation.

"No, not sleep" he was dazed and disoriented but he wouldn't surrender to sleep having her so close.

Laying down next to him in bed, the dull ache in her heart trumped in remembrance. The pain was always there under the surface, no longer suffocating, but never gone. She never thought about looking for him or even considered it possible seeing him again. But she would be a bigger fool if she didn't take this chance, he needed to know what happened and now was better than never.

"When Kagura showed up I was so confused," she kept her voice as even as possible. "they would have never searched for me there, only you knew where to find me that day. I had no reason to believe you would interfere on either side of our mission...she taunted me about how you betrayed me, I was distracted. It took a flurry of blades and significant blood loss for me to accept the truth." she swallowed hard remembering the pain of that realization. "In the end, I managed to kill her…and as you now know, I didn't die."

She choked back a sob "I called for help barely conscious. My energy was depleted during the fight, I could not heal myself" and at the time I wasn't sure I wanted to, she kept that to herself. "My heart hurt and my body was failing, blood loss and trauma had me at the edge of death. Doctors patched me up, but at that point it was just matter of time to know if I would pull through, they needed to put me in an induced coma to give my body a chance to heal" her voice broke, ten years later and it was just as hard to say it "...they also found out I was pregnant...right before they put me under I found my reason to hold on" the silence was deafening, outside even the sounds of the night seised. He sucked in a gush of air but did not release it. She turned her face discreetly to make sure he was ok and saw what look like a tear running down his pale cheek.

Kagome cleared her throat and focused on a tiny spot in the ceiling "when I woke up in the hospital about a week later, my body was mended. My powers helped heal me faster but my little one didn't make it...they said it was too early in the pregnancy, too many compromised organs, that I was lucky to be alive I - I didn't feel that way"

The rustle of fabric to her left made her realize he was trying to move but was still mostly incapacitated. The heavy silence ended suddenly by a broken wail, it came out of his humanoid throat but sounded purely animalistic, an agonizing screech. He was thrashing wildly trying to shake off the invisible bonds keeping him in place, a feral growl turned into a mournful howl.

She was raw from the ordeal and seeing him such a state threatened to end whatever control she had left, propped on her elbows she tried to reason. "Sesshomaru stop, you can't move don't fight it" either the words didn't reach him or he refused to listen because he continued shaking and making inhuman sounds, even when incomprehensible she could feel the despair and anguish that colored them. She needed to stop him, for him and for her, she was about to lose it. With newfound resolve she climbed on top of him, straddling his hips and held down his shoulders with her hands. She was more than strong enough to immobilize him, "stop!" she yelled. He acted as a wild beast in pain, numbed by grief. Unbidden tears pooled in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks "Please stop, you are going to hurt yourself" she said burying her face in the crook of his neck.

It must have been the scent of her tears that got through the haze of his grieve. Still breathing hard he stilled his movements. Kagome, relaxed on top of him making their chests flushed, her tears were soaking his hair but she didn't care. For the first time, together they grieved for the loss of their pup. She was spent, drained, and warm. How is that a body so hard and unyielding feels like home? she wondered dizzy with sleep. His progressively even breathes lulled her further and she decided to stay right where she was.


	14. Chapter 14

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 14**

Sesshomaru woke up some time sunrise, they had shifted in sleep and he was draped around Kagome as if she was a lifesaver, his nose buried in her hair. Having her close was the only thing keeping him sane. Grief held him in a death grip, he felt entirely hollow apart from the burning knot in his chest that felt like it could burst him open from the inside.

He had thought he experienced more grief than a soul could bear when he thought he killed her, he had been a fool. No, he didn't kill her, he killed his own flesh and blood and left Kagome to mourn alone. Killing her would have been a mercy. He didn't doubt what he felt all those years back, he knew she was gone when a part of himself was no more, a part that was unequivocally her at the same time was lost to the ether. Knowing what he knew now made perfect sense, their child was the bond. Equal parts of them, growing inside of her, ceased to exist and he felt the void the moment it happen, a tangible loss just as if his arm had been chopped off.

The next time he woke up he was alone and heard Kagome moving around in another part of the house. The bed retained some of her warmth, she had not been gone for long and that gave him a measure of comfort. He sat up noticing his surroundings for the first time, with a discerning sniff he caught the scent of his blood on the discarded shirt on the floor, polished wood, clean linens, and Kagome. Her room. The spacious room was furnished with sparse but elegant pieces and had a bathroom attached, it generously illuminated by the early morning sun coming through a big window that spanned almost an entire wall. He noticed the window could be open to go out into the porch that led to a peaceful garden full of greenery. Water rushed through a rocky creek to form a small pool, he could hear fish swimming about, the pool tapered and the water continued flowing downstream. It was all very peaceful, he tried to grasp some of it and walked out to find Kagome.

* * *

She woke up groggily to a face full Sesshomaru's naked chest. Her hazy brain skipped past the rough night they had and dove into her memories from long ago. She closed her eyes soaking into his presence and saw flashes of his beautiful face inches above hers, bare bodies moving in sensual synchrony. She remembered their intense lovemaking, the way he would lose himself worshipping every inch of her body with tenderness, and the breathy moans he gave when he reached his climax. Her eyes snapped open when she realized she was getting turned on and extricated herself slowly from the cocoon of his arms.

Kagome was leaning against the kitchen island sipping on her second cup of coffee when she felt him approach. She turned with her best attempt at a smile but faltered when she saw the grief in his eyes, clear as a flesh wound. He composed himself and wore the stoic mask he favored, still his eyes shined softly with something she had no name for. Her throat worked and gripped the mug a little tighter. All pleasantries sounded absurdly insufficient in her mind so she skipped them. "I made you tea" she gestured to a seat near the fragrant kettle, "you are not fond of coffee, so…" feeling suddenly stupid for her entitlement. "...unless that has changed, of course, you are welcome to it also"

His mood improved immediately upon seeing her, her faint blush puzzled him. Her tousled bed hair gave the black outfit she still wore an endearing touch. The scent of coffee in the air was enticing, but he had always found it too bitter. He accepted the tea with a nod and sat. He tasted the tea appreciative, it was a variety of Oolong that he favored. "You remember" he murmured.

"Well yes, ah... is the kind I drink" she tried to sound nonchalant but that innocent comment hit close to home. She was constantly surrounded by things that reminded her of him. The tea, his brother, her sword technique, her demon son, even her orgasms! It really was no surprise she was not over him. It was hard to admit and it made her feel guilty in the most contradicting kinds of ways but she was simply not over Sesshomaru. She turned her back to him and got her shaky hands busy washing her mug in the sink. "I drew you a bath. Looks like you are completely healed but a good soak will make you feel better."

He remembered her fondness for hot springs and baths. Bathing together. He didn't trust his voice right that moment, he nodded. He sat drinking his tea slowly, thinking what he could say and came up with nothing so he was left with contemplating his surroundings. Her home was beautiful and spacious, modern yet filled with elements of Japanese architecture, not pretentious but warm and cozy and in every way Kagome.

The bathroom had the same feel as the rest of the house, zen and modern. He heard Kagome talking and going about the house, opening and closing drawers, fluffing linens; she was tidying up. After scrubbing and rinsing away the muck, he sunk into the inviting water, his tense muscles relaxed and the let everything turn to white noise. He opened one eye half way when Kagome knocked and unobtrusively open the door a crack to deposit a bundle on the counter.

By the time Sesshomaru was done soaking he realized he was most likely in shock, the new information he received was hard to swallow, but he found himself immersed in fond memories of Kagome, guilt grew in his chest for everything he didn't do.

Kagome left him a shirt to wear in lieu of his destroyed buttondown, a shirt big enough for him, male size. He was flooded with jealousy thinking of other males in her bed, it disappeared swiftly when he accepted it was he who left her behind and all she was trying to do was to live her life. As he pulled the shirt over his head he smelled only her in it, a hint of detergent and nothing more. Ah. He remembered how she favored wearing his shirts as nightgowns, how inviting her creamy thighs looked barely covered with the fabric. He was overwhelmed by the idea of being nestled between those supple thighs again and his body responded accordingly. It had been a long time. He had not bedded a woman since her, not because he restrained himself, he simply had no desire to.

He cooled down and stepped out into the living area to find Kagome lounging on the couch reading a book. She must have washed in another bathroom and changed out of last night's clothes. She looked beautiful and young wearing shorts and a t-shirt, his memory of her did not do her justice. The last decade had been kind to her humanity, he was aware of how fast humans aged and she looked younger than her years. Her bangs were no longer messy and ruffled as they were before, they were now neat, trimmed right at her eyebrows, and neatly parted. Her face was leaner, the roundness of youth gone leaving her with beautifully sculpted cheekbones. She looked slightly taller, fuller in the right places, and her enticing legs looked decidedly strong and lean at the same time.

* * *

After going back to the same line for the tenth time she gave up her safety net, her book, and finally looked up. "Hey…" Big mistake, Kagome trailed off and blushed furiously when she saw the hunger in his eyes. "Eh- umh...you look better?" oh my gods, what a blubbering idiot. He graced her with an elegantly raised eyebrow. She closed her eyes and breathed deep looking for words that made sense. "Inuyasha will be here any minute now. He'll drop Shippo off and give you a ride" she graced him with a small smile.

He wanted very much to find a reason to stay but came up empty. Not long after, he heard a car pull into the driveway taking away any chance to find one. The front door burst open and a frantic looking fox demon charged inside. His eyes met Kagome's and hey exchange some kind of silent message, the boy sat ways away at a low table.

"Inuyasha said he's not coming in, he's waiting outside," Shippo said stonily and settled crossed arm full on sulking.

Kagome shook her head at her son's antics and walked Sesshomaru to the front door. At the threshold, they both froze in an awkward moment of not knowing how to say goodbye. She settled for placing a hand on his arm and gave him a squeeze. "I'm glad you are ok," she said gently looking him in the eye.

He swallowed hard. "So am I" he managed to say. He was so glad she was ok that he could weep.

She watched him make his way to the car and gave Inuyasha a little wave before closing the door. She leaned heavily on the door and closed her eyes, there was still so much to talk about but not right now. She pushed herself off the wall and headed back inside searching for her little troublemaker. She found him in the same spot but the hard look was gone and replaced by one of deep worry. Knowingly she sat behind him, released his hair from its tie, and proceed to run her fingers through the thick strands of his auburn hair, over and over.

Shippo melted under her attention and felt it was ok to finally relax his tense shoulders. "We stopped listening to you guys last night when we knew you were ok and things got...personal" he managed to sound abashed while purring at the same time.

"Oh that, I forgot" she did, in fact, forgot about her audience, and was glad for her friend's discretion "thank you, sweetie, I much appreciate the privacy", she reinforced the comment scratching behind his ears. I took her some time and research but she learned as much of demon behavior as possible, and her son always turned to putty when groomed. She smiled thinking of all of the odd little animalistic behaviors that seeped into his humanoid shape. Her Shippo still young revealed in the care of his mother and the safety of the pack.

"You don't have to be so nice to him, you know," he said sulkily.

She tsked at that but didn't stop her ministrations "oh baby, what would it be of us without forgiveness? Don't forget you stole from me when we first met, and Inuyasha tried to kill me, and-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I get it!" he huffed irritably. "But he...he…" he choked up and couldn't finish.

"Oh honey" she hugged him tightly, "there is nothing to be sad about, I'm ok I promise," her little kid had seen her at her worst and dreaded seeing her like that again. "he explained some things that helped me understand, and in his own way he apologised" sensing he needed the reassurance, she resumed grooming "we'll be fine, I promise. Besides I'm unbeatable now mwahaha". Shippo started giggling. Mission accomplished.


	15. Chapter 15

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 15**

Shippo was closing in on the decree that sad Kagome was better than this mercurial, borderline manic Kagome. He was getting whiplash from her changing moods and it didn't look like it would get any better. That's how he was turning into a veritable pile of leaves, after a prolonged period of sulking outside during the peak of fall, and he was staying put a safe distance away for whoever long it took for Kagome to settle down. He could feel her, currently experiencing some type of anxious energy and if he dared predict, would next turn into deep melancholy. But that was part of the issue, there was no way of knowing what was going to happen next, the oddest and most unexpected things triggered her emotions and he had been walking on eggshells for weeks now.

Sure, the emotional unrest came from her meeting with Sesshomaru and whatever happened that night they were together, however, he was sure part of the problem was that she had nothing to occupy her time with. Work was slow, mostly exorcisms that Miroku took care of and small cases that came up, Inuyasha snatched and ran with them without giving any of the others a chance do any work.

After some time and an energy wave that felt like an exhilarated trainwreck, he decided that two feet deep, was deep enough pile of leaves atop his head, "MAMAAAAA!" he yelled as he walked inside the house.

"Honey! There you ARE!" she said cheeks flushed with the happy high she was riding.

"STOP," he said sternly squaring her with a look. "You are going out," he said as pushed her towards the door.

"But whe-" she tried to get her two cents in.

"No!" he interrupted "you are going." he picked her up and carried her to the car, he was making the most of her momentary confusion because she was strong enough to stop this charade. He went as far as to buckle her seat belt and turn on the ignition. "On your way! Go!" he closed the car door with a thud and made shooing gestures.

A flabbergasted Kagome drove away as instructed. It took her two full blocks to snap out of it. "Wait a minute...what the.." she blinked away the confusion and burst out into a fit of laughter. I felt good to have a genuine laugh out loud and not the forced ones she had been using lately to bury the confusion she felt. Shippo was right, she needed to go do something besides overthinking and she knew just the thing.

* * *

Training always helped her focus, practicing her Kata was downright relaxing. Looking around the dojo she saw echoes of the many practice sessions her group of friends had there. Sango with her gentle lessons and wealth of knowledge from her family history, and Inuyasha's rough instruction that hid his uncertainty about the style of fighting that came so naturally to him. Another sincere smiled adorned her face and she felt lighter than she had in weeks. She picked up a practice sword and changed into a set of clothes that Inuyasha's staff keep available for everyone's use and started to warm up.

She started slow, breathing deeply to find her center. Her strikes were strong and confident. The spacious dojo allowed her wide arcs and explosive cuts in the air that were precise and full of power. She flowed into the movements with the ease of many years of practice and gladly got lost in them. Her muscles burned in the best way. She felt strain melt away, time slipped away unnoticed, there was only the beat of her heart in time with the pulse of her power. She finished a set and stopped to get ready for the next, she turned on her heel to get into position and was faced with Sesshomaru standing in the threshold, shoulders tense.

She was still holding her sword, albeit lowered. "What are you doing here?" Kagome saw his hand twitch and went to raise the sword but felt no ill will from him.

His hand twitched wanting to be buried in her hair and craved to smooth the tiny frown that formed between her eyebrows. "I don't usually repeat myself, Kagome" Watching her was breathtaking. Inuyasha had vaguely implied she had gotten stronger but had not explained, he also had seen her move that night at the warehouse. Seeing her one on one, with no distractions was different. Her power was flaming, muscles tensing and relaxing as she leaped and turned. Her spirit felt bigger than the room, almost wanting to break away, and she seemed to be glowing with it. Strong.

That oh so very Sesshomaru answer almost made her smile "At Inuyasha's house I mean, does he know you are here?" Kagome's mouth quirked up unbidden.

Her question was suffused with humor, and her almost smile almost broke his heart but he was not sure why. It was not one of those unabashed Kagome smiles, but it touched him to the core. "Hmmm" was all he could say.

She smiled and shook her head. Maybe he was now in better terms with Inuyasha and even decided to help them with their missions, but pieces of the old Sesshomaru remained. And that was bad for her. He was in her life again, a bit more mellow, a little softer, but all in all the same person she fell in love with. With a resigned sigh, she placed the sword on a rack and headed out.

As she passed him he grabbed her wrist. He didn't plan it, it was pure reflex. "You needn't leave" he released her hand slowly.

His touch was as warm and strong as she remembered and for a moment she froze. "But I am" she murmured.

He found himself in the same cursed position of wanting to keep her close and not knowing what to say to make the moment last. He searched for a reason every day since they last saw each other but could find none. He didn't want to impose or upset her, and Inuyasha was not being helpful running away every chance he got. He was determined to not let this opportunity get away from him.

"Would you j-" Sesshomaru started but was cut off when he felt someone approaching the property in a rush.

Kagome felt it too, an intensely nervous energy fast approaching. She turned her head towards the source and couldn't help but to think the worse. Someone in trouble, this person is freaking out. She rushed to meet the newcomer. Sesshomaru hot on her heels didn't fail to notice how inhumanly fast she moved.


	16. Chapter 16

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 16**

The tall pale demon and dark haired woman stood waiting at the main entrance to the house.

The closer the vehicle got Kagome started to steadily relax, this person felt familiar, nothing bad. She couldn't put her finger on it.

Standing next to her, ramrod straight hands tightly fisted, Sesshomaru was feeling edgier by the second. "Jaken" he half growled as the car pulled in front of them.

"Right, Jaken!" Kagome said triumphantly and got a glare from Sesshomaru.

The door open to reveal an unchanged Jaken. "M-m-milord!?" he croaked. All he got was a raised eyebrow. "So relieved to be back in your presence milord. You look stronger and more beautiful milord" he groveled, forehead touching the floor.

"Explain yourself" Sesshomaru ordered "your instructions were clear"

"Yes milord, very clear milord, you always give the best orders milor-"

"Out with it!" Sesshomaru was quickly reaching the end of his patience.

All the while, Kagome was watching half amused, half worried about Sesshomaru's reaction. He was never particularly patient with Jaken, but right now he looked about ready to kill him.

"Milord, I tried following your orders but she made it impossible" he swallowed. "It started when she insisted in waiting up for you every night. She would sit on the front steps, eventually fall asleep and wake up at first light. She refused to be moved, milord!"

The minuscule speck of hope that had found a way to Kagome's heart turned into a boulder currently crushing her chest. She? Sesshomaru had someone waiting for him at home. Of course, he did, it's been a decade. She tried to feel happy for him, but with the weight on her chest was difficult.

The tiny servant continued his tirade. "The last couple of days milord, she refused every meal! The bothersome girl wouldn't eat!" Jaken tried to hide his worry with anger "nothing I tried worked milord...the only option was to bring her to you. She fell asleep on the way here"

Sesshomaru released the breath he was holding. He had not forgotten about his responsibilities, far from it, however, lately, he had been preoccupied with thoughts of Kagome and how to make things better between them. She was probably just worried, he should have reached out to her.

Kagome saw him walk towards the car and felt the world slow down. Seeing him reach for the handle and pull the door open was like watching a car wreck, bound to be awful but impossible to look away. Nothing could prepare her for what she saw next.

Sesshomaru reached inside, carried out the tiny shape and cradled it in his arms. She hadn't lost much weight, but prominent dark circles under her eyes betrayed her exhaustion. He gently brushed the hair out of her forehead and cupped her cheek. The child in his arms blinked sleepily and he gave her a small smile "Hello Rin. Are you well?"

"Lord Sesshomaru" her sweet voice was rough with sleep. All tension left her little face, "I am now" she snuggled against his chest and closed her eyes. He held her a little tighter and moved into the house to get her to bed.

Wide-eyed, slack-jawed Kagome watched him retreat inside the house after he disappeared from view she turned looking for Jaken. He was now standing close by, with a dreamy look on his face. "What was that about?" she murmured in disbelieve.

"Lady Kagome!" Jaken jumped out of his skin startled by her presence as if he only just noticed her. "Th- that is Lord Sesshomaru's ward, Rin"

"Wha- ward…"

"The foolish little human ran herself ragged with worry for my lord" he tried to sound gruff, but fondness shone through making Kagome smile.


	17. Chapter 17

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 17**

Kagome lingered in a sitting area close to where she could feel Sesshomaru. She was curious about Rin, yes. But mostly she was confounded by Sesshomaru's demeanor towards the girl. In seeing them interact, she went from feeling the crushing weight of losing hope to a wondrous awe that made her feel like she was floating.

"Jaken, watch over Rin and feed her when she wakes," said Sesshomaru as he stepped out in the hallway.

"Yes my lord, right away my lord," Jaken said as he rushed into the room where the child was sleeping.

When Sesshomaru walked to meet Kagome he had his hands in his pant pockets. When he reached her he stopped with a sigh. He looked uncertain as he ran a hand through his hair. Seeing his hesitation made her smile, a fond one. She patted the spot next to next inviting him to sit.

Caring for Rin made him feel like he was betraying Kagome as if taking care of this child denied anything he felt for their own pup. When he was close enough and saw her smile he relaxed minutely and joined her.

"So a ward" She tried to give him a reassuring smile to make him comfortable. She was having a hard time getting a grip on her feelings and seeing all the new sides of Sesshomaru made her feel disoriented. She thought that getting him to talk would help her find common ground. "Want to tell me about it?"

"The story takes time Kagome," he said full of hesitance

"Hmmm, I have plenty of that"

He cleared his throat as he struggled with the words, he wanted to tell Kagome everything she deserved to know. "I left the city for the northern mountains not long after the last time I saw you..." after speaking to Kagura, was left unsaid because it hurt too much "I convinced myself I was done with this place and its people. I was a big enough fool not to see I was running away" he was not looking at her, shame burning in his tongue. "Days later, I felt the bond disappear and I thought you were dead, I knew with irrefutable clarity that part of you that was connected to me was no more. The emptiness in my soul was so real and intense and crushing...in my stupor, I didn't stop to think it could be anything else, now I know it was our pup" he took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes.

Kagome's eyes flooded with tears. It was the first time he spoke of their child. Sesshomaru's acknowledgment of its short existence gave its death some closure.

He looked up when he smelled the tears and heard her sniffle, she gave his hand a squeeze that felt like a thank you but it didn't make sense to him. "When I thought you were dead I went mad Kagome. I was mad with rage, I was so angry at you for making me feel, angry at myself for being too weak to accept what I was feeling. That raging anger burned bright but was quickly quenched by crippling grief. Despair took over and made me submit, it was like nothing I faced before. I spiraled down into darkness full of pain and regret...I don't know for how long. I didn't have a will to go on, I had no reason to. I feared death would take away my memories of you, I was not ready for that so I stayed somewhere in between. Suspended in a state of nothingness, only time was passing by."

The mask he wore so easily cracked under a barrage of feelings, under the sadness she caught a glimpse of the demon she saw between the sheets all those years ago. She never thought possible to hear such a tale from him. In her more optimistic theories, Sesshomaru's departure was due to some inescapable obligation, never in her wildest dreams, she thought it could have been a mistake and a terrible misunderstanding that got between them. "How does Rin fit into all of this?" Kagome nudged him to continue gently.

"Ah. Rin, she saved my life" he said half a smile. "About four years ago I was out hunting, it was a particularly cold season, everything was frozen. The blue ice reminded me of you. I sat down against a dead tree and got lost in my memories, I don't know for how long. Rin found me after a while. She told me later that I was so cold and pale she thought I was a ghost. She dusted the snow off of me and the little thing took off her coat and placed it over me, silly girl. The touch of her warm hand snapped me out of my trance" he shook his head fondly at the memory of the tiny human trying to help him. "After she tried to help me, the least I could do was to take her back home safely, all Rin said was she would rather stay with me but didn't said much more. When we reached the place she came from, a remote village between the mountains, everything was destroyed. It looked like they were attacked by wild animals and no one was left alive, save Rin. I gathered that she must have been running away when she found me. She begged me to take her with me, and I couldn't refuse. Her innocence and her big bright eyes reminded me of you. She has been with me ever since."

"You've changed," Kagome said breaking the pensive silence.

"I suppose I have. I started to live for Rin, she needed me as much as I needed her. It was not easy in the beginning. From the ordeal at her village and possibly from her attempt to help me she caught pneumonia, she must have been malnourished because the human medicine and our care did not help, she died" a horrified gasp from Kagome interrupted him "I brought her back"

"Tenseiga" Kagome whispered.

"Precisely. The house was not apt for human habitation, let alone a human so young and delicate, so changes were made to accommodate her. After that, she fit right in. Joy comes easy to her, she is unguarded, innocent, and inexplicably fond of me. She made me feel quite like someone else"

"I'd love to meet her if that's ok with you"

"It would please me very much"


	18. Chapter 18

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 18**

Miroku was the most level-headed person she knew, even with the ridiculous antics he often used to diffuse tension. The ass groping greatly decreased after he married Sango, but even she found it amusing rather than offensive among close friends. His level head and discrete nature was the reason she made it to the office ahead of the meeting time. She walked into his open door office and sat across from him.

"Miroku? Hope I'm not interrupting" she pushed a family sized bag of his favorite chips to his end of the desk

He looked up from his computer wagging his eyebrows "family size huh? What are we plotting today?" he finished with an exaggerated grin.

"Not plotting!" she sputtered, "I just wanted to borrow your ear, run something by you"

He expected this moment to come much sooner. Kagome was strong and had grown much since he met her, but Sesshomaru was a difficult subject for everyone and particularly her. She defied all odds while dealing with the grief of her losses, yet in the midst of the chaos and high running emotions at the end of Naraku, the whole episode was never much talked about. They all saw her deal with the pain in many ways and helped, however, they could, after all, the sense of loss never left her having and Sesshomaru back must be incredibly disorienting.

"No bribing necessary dear Kagome, I'm always here for you"

"I'm not trying to bribe you, just trying to be nice!" she played along but knew it was Miroku's attempted to lighten the mood and she appreciated it. "So…"

"So? Tell me what troubles you" he nudged her without pushing too hard.

"As crazy as it may sound is not Sesshomaru, but my heart that troubles me. Seeing him again was like taking an ice shower, I couldn't quite breath right away, but a little after I felt more alive than I had in a long time. I didn't expect that at all...I thought I'd feel anger but these warm fuzzies are really throwing me off" Kagome sighed heavily. "He has changed. He is staying with Inuyasha, did you know that? And he has a human ward, a little girl! There is also this hunger in his eyes when he looks at me. Is like I went to sleep and woke up in a parallel universe. Why have I not moved on, Miroku?"

He reached out and took her hand in an attempt to give some comfort "Maybe you don't want to move on" He had little advice to give her, but he could help her find the answer inside herself.

"I see how he hurts and I want to give him comfort, he looks at me like he is afraid I'm going to banish and all I want to do is sooth all his fears. I'm terrified of this hope that grows bigger every day...I wish I could make myself not feel anything" she said sounding defeated

"I can tell you with all certainty that is not a good idea. Caring for others is who you are Kagome, running away from your feelings would be betraying everything that makes you. Follow your heart"

Kagome heard the others approaching and got out of her seat to go give Miroku a hug "Thank you for being such a smart friend. I'll figure it out or come back crying so you can pick up the pieces"

"Anything for you Kagome" he returned the hug with friendly familiarity.

"I do have one favor to ask you…"


	19. Chapter 19

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 19**

Kagome and Inuyasha stood neatly hidden behind a wall of foliage. The mission was easy enough, shadow a demon to gather intelligence about a possible target. Kagome could do it with her eyes closed, literally. She convinced Miroku to send her and Inuyasha together no matter the mission, she was tired of the sneaky half demon avoidance tactics.

Inuyasha was uncomfortable, he had been avoiding Kagome successfully so far but today his luck was over. He didn't want to lie to her and his conflicting feelings were getting in the way of his usual unrestrained nature.

"Are we going to talk or what?" she got tired of the tense silence. One of the best and worst things about her relationship with Inuyasha was that he didn't have a filter, every time, anywhere, he always said what was on his mind, seeing him tripping over himself was painful.

"What about the mission?" he tried to deflect once more

"Pfff are you kidding? this is child's play. We can surely talk and keep track of him at the same time"

"Whatever...what you wanna know," he said defensively

"What about you start at the beginning and go from there? You stayed in touch all these years?" she couldn't keep a touch hurt from her tone but was not sure why. She had, after all, repeatedly said she didn't what to know anything about Sesshomaru. Inuyasha was just following her wish.

"Well….yeah. But only because you made me promise not to hurt him, otherwise I would have killed him"

She nodded. That was true. Inuyasha had stayed by her bedside for the entire duration of her convalescence and as soon as she was strong enough to think straight she extracted, not without difficulty, the promise no to hunt down Sesshomaru or hurt him in any way.

"The bastard contacted me some time after he left and stayed in touch since. We didn't talk much but said enough that I knew he thought you were dead, I let him believe that...to protect you" he gave a little shrug "in the beginning it was business stuff, he tried to teach me and gave me advice. I refused his help but eventually, I needed his sorry ass if I didn't want everything to go to shit. Sometime after he came to me about buying the state, I thought he had lost it! The place was way too big and I flat out refused. Up until that point he had never pressured me into anything, he gave his subtle hints and always left it up to me make the decisions, this was different. He kept giving me these bullshit reasons and trying to convince me in a roundabout way until I confronted him" he swallowed hard and fidgeted with his sleeve. "You know what he told me?" she shook her head. " _Kagome would enjoy it_. My icicle of a brother was making an emotional purchase because his dead ex would enjoy it!? I never expected anything like that from him. Turns out the house had the only privately owned natural hot spring in the city, and the fool wanted to keep it in the family because YOU would have enjoyed it" he let the information sink in for a moment.

Kagome was stunned.

"After that, I decided to go see him, he has a place way up in the mountains, small enough that Jaken can get away with running the place by himself, and isolated as it gets. When I first saw him he was a shell, empty and lifeless. He reeked of grief and regret and didn't try to hide it. I kept my mouth shut about you, he didn't deserve it, but I did accept the help he offered. Saw him about once a month, we would spar, go over work stuff, and talk." He looked at her and smiled bashfully "talk like real brothers, he told me about the past, about father, about you, and I listen. I had little I wanted to tell and he had plenty to get off his chest. Sometime after, his runt came about. The kid is always happy and she's smart also, it helped but he was never the same...not that I wanted him to go back to being a cold prick, but it was tough to see someone you looked up to reduced to that"

"Wow! you looked up to Sesshomaru..." she said with eyes wide like saucers.

"Out of all the things I just fucking told you, you go and focus on that! What the fuck?!" He said loud enough to almost compromise their position.

"Ssh, quiet!" she breathed sharply "I'm sorry, really. I had to defuse...my heart is about to explode...I'm sor-" she was crying and trembling uncontrollably.

"Ahhhh come on! don't cry" he hugged her fiercely

"Is just so good that you both are finally getting along, is all so good" his chest muffled her words.

Inuyasha looked at the girl in his arms perplexed. She was so fucking confusing, he couldn't tell if she was happy and sad. "Is not like we are friends or anything, the bastard is driving me insane"

Kagome laughed, tear streaked but honest. "Of course not friends, you two are brothers is different. Brothers are meant to drive you a little nuts, is only natural"

"Half-brother" he clarified sharply "Keh, I'm running out of reasons to leave the house. He keeps asking how to get close to you and I don't even know what to say"

She pulled back "he what?"

"Yeah, you heard me. He knows you and I are close and he is asking how to get to you" Inuyasha sounded highly amused and was now smirking at her dumbfounded face "What?"

"Why would he? I mean, he doesn't..."

"Are you stupid? Many reasons actually, one being he never had to pursue any females, they always fawned over him, in your case things kinda happened. The idiot is clueless." he had a good laugh and after a few seconds he recovered to continue more solemnly. "Second, he cares for you. He made a huge terrible mistake with horrible consequences, but he truly does love you. I don't know if you can ever forgive him, but I' know he'd do anything to get you back"

Kagome stood in stunned silence. He loved her. The hunger in his eyes, the awkwardness, the changes. Pieces fell into place. She closed her eyes and looked inside herself and found she loved him still. Unyielding guilt kept joy at bay, but she found a measure of peace in Inuyasha's confession.

Inuyasha saw several emotions cross her face and cursed never before taken the time to really understand women. There was nothing else he could say to make her feel better, so he settled for the one thing he knew to be true. "Kagome I am on your side, always, forever, for anything. I will always be there for you"


	20. Chapter 20

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 20**

Sesshomaru sat under the shaded porch watching Rin frolic in the gardens, Jaken fussed behind her replacing her winter hat every time it fell off. The trees and shrubs were dusted in snow already melting from the bright sunshine, mild weather compared to what they'd get in the mountains this early in December and Rin mas making the most of it. She insisted on playing outside for most of the daylight hours, running about the trees and picking any flowers that survived still. Many of the flowers ended in his hair and made into crows adorning Jaken's head, even his brother was gifted with blooms. She looked happy. It occurred to him that Rin would enjoy Kagome's backyard, splashing in the little pond, feeding the fishes.

He had seen Kagome regularly over the last month at work. She seemed relaxed around him but there was a darkness in her eyes that wouldn't leave. The group talked at their meetings, small talk, old stories, embarrassing stories mostly featuring his brother which he enjoyed. They went on missions together, he knew better now and trusted her, she was a warrior of impressive skill and strength, and together they made an effective team. Given the chance during their downtime, she would ask about Rin and their life together. She had always loved children and was enamored with the stories about Rin's little adventures, it made his chest hurt.

Obligations and prior commitments kept them before, but finally today Kagome was on her way to the house to meet Rin. For a brief moment, he thought about telling to Rin about Kagome, to try and explain how important she was to him but he decided it was not necessary, the little one's natural charm was more than enough.

"Excuse me, Lord Sesshomaru," one of the maids said as she came into view "Kagome is here and asked me to inform you"

He inclined his head in acknowledgment, "ask her to join us out here."

* * *

Kagome walked slowly towards the gardens, she felt Sesshomaru's energy ebb and flow in soothing contentment, she recognized it from long ago but only today was able to put a name to it. He was happy. Maybe she was more sensitive to energies now, maybe he was more willing to let it show, whichever the case she was glad he found happiness in Rin.

She was jittery with anticipation, she looked forward to meeting the girl that saved him for weeks and today was finally it. When he told her about the pain he lived through for so long, she felt responsible in a twisted kind of way. She remembered the weight of the responsibility of saving the world from Naraku and the choices that she would make having the opportunity again and she felt nauseous and lightheaded.

The scent of crushed flowers snapped her out of the darkness and helped her pull herself together. She stepped out on the porch and saw the little girl in the distance, running in circles with a flustered Jaken at her heels. She smiled at the sight they made, at the corner of her eye she caught Sesshomaru unfolding from his seat on the floor. She turned to greet him.

He was a sight to behold. Undeniable handsome under any circumstance, he looked breathtaking in traditional clothes. This fine day he was wearing a white silk kimono adorned with a pattern of red flowers on his shoulders and sleeves, the shade complemented his pale skin and made his hair shine silver in the sun. The kimono has tied with a gold sash dipped in indigo that did wonders for his eyes. Stunning. Her mind ran away from her and she blushed deeply.

"Kagome" He caressed her cheek. "You look lovely." her eyes closed and she leaned into his touch. The blush suited her. He wondered how far down her beautiful neck he could trace that lovely shade of pink.

The beautiful gentle smile on his face and the way he said her name did nothing to assuage her blush. She swallowed hard. She was wearing a simple hakama and kosode thinking of a training session at the dojo, and felt positively frumpy. She opened her eyes and covered his hand with hers.

This was the first time she saw him outside of work, it made her nervous. Not in a fearsome sort of way, but in a not being able to contain her feelings and finally give in to the impulse to bare her soul way. She was saved from herself by Rin, the child approached them at full speed and turned to face her.

"Hi Rin!" she said with a cheerful voice as she kneeled down to her height. "I have heard so much about you"

Rin smile blossomed joyously "you have!?" she turned to look at Sesshomaru in awe.

"My name is Kagome, I'm a friend of Sesshomaru's" the kid was adorable. Looked to be about seven years old and full of energy. Her eyes were huge, dark, and impossibly bright. Dark hair stuck out in places out of her cap and her cheeks were rosy from exertion and the cold. She was bundled up in what look to be one too many coats.

"I didn't think Lord Sesshomaru had any friends" she eyed Kagome with suspicion.

Kagome laughed. It wasn't so hard to see why Sesshomaru was captivated. "I suppose he doesn't have many. I'm an old friend, we haven't seen each other in a long time"

"Friends are good, like Inuyasha and Jaken, they make Rin laugh," She said full of confidence. The girl leaned close to Kagome is whispered in her ear "maybe he'll stop being sad now".

The girl's honest concern gained her Kagome's heart in a matter of minutes. "Those are beautiful flowers you have there," she said wanting to move on to a lighter subject, Sesshomaru seemed to agree for he took Rin's hand and towed her over to where he had been sitting before.

"Rin loves flowers!" the child said vibrating with excitement from her seat.

"Really?" Rin nodded furiously "my son used to pick flowers for me when he was smaller, he would spend hours looking for the perfect one to match my eyes or my clothes. Most of the time I ended up with my lap overflowing with flowers because he couldn't decide"

Rin giggled as she examined the assortment she held tightly in her hand. She picked one carefully, stood up and tucked it behind Sesshomaru's ear. "There, perfect" content with her handy work she sat back down between both adults.

Kagome couldn't contain her smile, "ahhh, winter jasmine. Perfect" the small yellow flower was a good match for his citrine eyes.

Rin looked pleased and with childlike swiftness, she changed the subject "what's your son's name, Kagome-san?"

"You can call me Kagome, no need for titles. They make me feel old" she winked conspiratorially to Rin earning a giggle "My son's name is Shippo. He was so tiny he used to climb up in my shoulder, now he is taller than me!"

"Like Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin was charmed by Kagome and was eating up her words.

"No, not quite that tall. He could get there though, he is still growing" She looked at Sesshomaru and smiled.

Rin was inching her way closer, Kagome looked up to Sesshomaru for permission, once granted she beckoned the child.

Rin settled in comfortably on Kagome's lap and started her inspection to which the older human surrendered with languid obedience. First were her wrists, one and then the other turned around and quickly dismissed. Next, she checked her face, eyes got an approving nod, and gentle pats dismissed both cheeks. Rin inspected her hair next, running her fingers through it and finally pushing it behind her ears to inspect those with critical eyes. "You are not a demon."

"Nope," Kagome answered indulging the child's curiosity.

Rin did a double take on her eyes and looked mildly confused. "Human?"

"Not exactly" that earned her twin raised eyebrows from both members of her audience. "I am a priestess"

Rin quirked her head in a way that clearly read, what is that?

"I'm human with spiritual powers. When I was younger I was entrusted with an important mission that allowed me to be stronger than regular mortals" Kagome tried to break it down for Rin, not lying but something she could understand. Taking Rin's confused frown as an answer, it was not a satisfactory explanation. "And I can do this!" she said enthusiastically and with a flourish, she produced three floating energy balls that shimmered in the afternoon sun. Rin squealed with delight.

"Can I touch them?" The girl asked with big irresistible puppy eyes.

Sesshomaru reached and grabbed one of the floating orbs. He felt the gentle tingle of her priestess energy, it wouldn't hurt Rin. He gave the little girl an indulgent nod and Rin didn't waste a second grabbing onto the shiny spheres.

The adults enjoyed the companionable silence while watching Rin's antics. She juggled, squeezed, and tossed about the orbs merrily until the newness wore off and she was ready for the next distraction.

Rin perked back up when she saw Jaken's approach with a tray full of goodies.

The toad deposited his fragrant cargo nearby and started serving them. Tea for the adults, hot cocoa for Rin, and an assortment of snacks. "Is very good to see you again Lady Kagome," he said and bowed deeply, as she had only seen in deference to Sesshomaru before.

A perplexed Kagome looked at Sesshomaru for help but he only offered an elegant shrug. "No need for that Jaken, please. Is great to see you too" She was moved by the change in the abrasive retainer, she put a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you for taking good care of him and you are doing a fantastic job with Rin," she said gently, Jaken blushed deeply and left in a rush.

Rin missed the entire exchange, all her attention was now focused on her chocolaty drink. "Inuyasha brings me these when he visits. He is funny."

"Yes, very funny." Kagome's eyes widened comically "oh gods, I almost forgot. These are for you" out of her sleeve she pulled a bundle of colored pencils and a small notebook and offered to Rin. The child had warmed up to Kagome and took the items without hesitation but not without enthusiastic thanks.

Kagome sipped her tea and watch contently as Rin alternated from taking sips of cocoa back to laser focus on her current drawing. "She is enchanting," she said to Sesshomaru.

"Hmm." He felt at peace and he reveled in it. Having Rin in his life brought joy, finding out Kagome was alive gave him immense relieve, but having them both here, so close, doing mundane things felt like heaven. A twinge of guilt stabbed at him, he didn't deserve heaven. Kagome's nature was to be forgiving but he felt undeserving. He would do anything for absolution, but he knew she would ask for nothing.

Afternoon turned into night and they moved inside for dinner, more coloring, and a few rounds of I spy with my little eye. Rin was an infinite source of entertainment, there was no uncomfortable silence or dull moments. Sesshomaru and Kagome fell easily into the apparent normalcy of the situation, talking and enjoying each other company as if they were good old friends that did this sort of thing in on the regular.

As bedtime crept closer, Rin was not ready to part with Kagome yet. "Lord Sesshomaru, can Kagome give me my bath today?"

Sesshomaru quirked an eyebrow at the girl and said nothing.

Rin looked dejected and Sesshomaru face showed the moment he realized he must have been missing something. Kagome jumped to the rescue. "I'd love to join you Rin"

"Yay!" said Rin as she rushed down the hall toward the bedroom she was staying in.

"Probably reminds her of her mom when she was very little, I don't mind" Kagome explained as she got up to follow the girl.

* * *

Sesshomaru stayed close enough that we could hear if they needed anything but far enough to give them a measure of privacy. He occupied a comfortable chair in the sitting room nursing a glass of sake, he had no desire to drink but found he needed something to occupy his hands in order to control the small tremor that wracked his body, his nerves were on edge. Having Kagome close was almost too much, it made him question his wrapped mind, is this real?. It sure didn't feel like it. He concluded it didn't matter right now if it was real or not, he would take whatever he could get even if it was a delusion.

He heard the slush on water when Rin and Kagome got in the bath, shortly followed by giggles and splashing. He focused on their conversation.

"How old are you Rin?"

"Rin is not sure. Lord Sesshomaru believes around 8, he says he knows how human's age." Her unwavering faith in him never failed to move him. "How old are you?"

"Just turned 29"

He was thrown back to his memories. She was only 17 when she first found a way to his bed and his heart, so young and baffling. He always found her to be such a contradiction, naive and mindful, soft and strong, barely more than a handful of years on this earth, yet an infinite source of wonder. For one that lived as long as he had, time tended to become white noise, to think it was only twelve short years ago that Kagome came into his life and changed it all. The short years they had together felt to him like a blink, and the years apart like a lifetime.

"WOW! You are old!"

"Not so! Sesshomaru is way older than me" He heard Kagome laugh, then a splash, and Rin giggled.

When the hour was running late Kagome managed to extract Rin from the bath with a promise for of a bedtime story and to stay with her until she was asleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 21**

It had been a while since Sesshomaru heard them last. Kagome's cadence while telling the story and Rin's deepening breaths lulled him to a light doze. The extended quiet woke him up. He walked into Rin's room to find Kagome asleep with half her body on the bed, half on the floor, the picture was made sweeter by Rin's smiling face in deep slumber.

He stood by the door for a long while just looking at them, so peaceful and content, he wished he could be part of that picture. He questioned the merit of moving Kagome away, finally deciding to account for her comfort. He picked her up bridal style as gently as possible and headed for his rooms. A few paces into the short journey he felt her wake up and looked down, but his charge didn't open her eyes, he held on a little tighter.

When Sesshomaru walked in, he considered briefly laying her down on the couch. His suite was set up with a receiving area at the front, furnished with a low desk on one side and a sofa on the other, the paper screens made possible to separate that from the sleeping area. He didn't need any sleep, he could definitely spare the bed for her.

She opened her eyes when he laid her down on the bed. Not giving him a chance to pull away, she smiled and held on to his collar pulling him down on the bed next to her, he went willingly. They laid side by side for a long while just enjoying each other presence and closeness.

They were so close that he could smell her and was dizzy with the sweetness of her scent. Her eyes shimmered in the faint moonlight like blue fire, he would walk into that pyre freely just to feel her warmth. She leaned closer eyes shut. He trembled with the effort to keep his breath even. She closed the distance and pressed her lips softly against his in a chaste kiss that was at odds with the blazing fire it ignited in his veins.

His hand cupped her face and he kissed her again. She was sweet and all he wanted was to melt in her and never leave. "...Kagome…" he buried his hands in her hair and pulled gently to tilt her face up and kissed her once more, deeper. She moaned and arched softly against him, the brush of the cold fabric of his kimono against his growing erection made him ache with need.

"I've missed you..." he said and he pulled her flush against him in a searing kiss. He could feel her curves against him, her chest heaving against his own. He leaned down as he started to pull her collar to the side.

She pulled away just enough to look him in the eye, her eyes stern bore into his. "why...? Not for this alone, please". Kagome said with a voice full of vulnerability.

 _She thinks is only lust_ , His muddled brain supplied sluggishly. "No...No..." He rested his face in the crown of her head bringing her close, wrapping her around in his arms. "I miss having you close." He trailed down her face with soft kisses "I miss your smile." He kissed his way down her throat parting her collar enough to plant a kiss on the left side of her chest, Kagome gasped and stifled a moan, "I miss your heart." He took her hand and kissed each finger slowly and then her palm "I miss your strength". It was too much, too much to hope, too much to believe. He wanted to weep and laugh at the same time. How could he hope for her trust with the chasm that stretched between them? "Nothing needs to happen."

He held her close to his heart for a long while. She sniffled a couple of times but he didn't smell tears. She trembled occasionally and he rubbed her back soothingly content with staying close. Her breathing changed, now deep and even, she calmed under the steady cadence. He had hoped for too much, he had no right to hope. "I'll be goin–" he started to say, but didn't get a chance to finish.

"Please," she whispered and pulled away from the safety of his chest to look at him fully. He hesitated to open his eyes and risk seeing rejection in her lovely face. He opened them to see her take his hand and bring it to the trailing end of her hakama ties. "Please," she said again voice shaky with want.

His mind went blank as the ties came undone by a pull of his hand. Not sure if this was heaven or hell, he let go of any care for his sanity and pushed the garment down and off her legs. "Yes," she said.

The thigh length kosode was held by a single tie and gaping open from earlier tugging. He tore his eyes from the inviting gap at the insistent tug of his hair. She took his face in her hands and kissed him, hard and slow. She pulled away breathing hard.

He traced the round shell of her ear with his lips and traveled down the curve of her jaw. Kagome moaned. He pushed the robe off her shoulders and kissed them with reverence while he cupped her bra covered breasts. His head swam with the noises she made and the heady scent of her desire.

She swiftly took off her underwear tossing it away with fierce frustration and pulled him to lay on top of her, his face down to her chest. He kissed the spot between her breasts while he massaged her nipples, "Sesshomaru.." she gasped his name arching into his mouth. He gave open mouth kisses to both breasts and sucked vigorously on her pink mounds. She was bucking, pushing her hips against his. Hair wild and flushed face was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

She pushed him off and he looked up, eyes wide mouth dry "something wrong?" Sesshomaru asked half expecting something to be amiss.

"Not fair...you are wearing too many clothes" she groaned and sat up pushing him to his knees. She brushed her hand over the markings on his cheek and trailed her fingers over the exposed skin where his kimono was coming undone. The tracing of her palm across his chest under the layers of fabric made his cock throb painfully and couldn't suppress a growling hum from deep in his chest. Her hand slid down to the knot of his belt and pulled it lose with ease, the heavier silk kimono and lighter undergarment pooled around him leaving him completely naked.

Kagome made an appreciative sound when she got a look at his bare body. He pressed himself against her leaving nothing but skin between them. She pulled him into a hungry kiss and he moaned, his erection was hard and hot against her belly and she trembled with desire. She was so wet she could feel the dampness escaping the apex of her thighs "I need you. Now" she moaned. He didn't need much more encouragement, he was one touch away from going insane.

They lay down together, she was on her back, legs open, him on top. They locked eyes and he felt the emptiness inside of him filling with the tenderness he felt for her. He rested his weight mostly on his arms and elbows and framed her face with his hands resting his forehead close to hers, "are you real?" he whispered, half afraid she would vanish.

"I missed you too," she said and it sounded like a confession and a promise.

She kissed him sweetly bringing her energy to the surface, surrounding him in its familiar warmth. He sighed in both relief and pleasure and entered her slowly, she was wet and hot. Perfect. He sagged against her "Kagome, gods Kagome," he stayed still fully seated inside of her for a minute.

Kagome rolled her hips and he let go of the last threads of control. They moved together, nails digging into his back, hands firmly on her hips. Her legs wrapped around his waist pulling him deeper inside of her. She moaned his name and asked for more, he would give her anything. His instincts soared, he knew her body and how to bring her pleasure and he provided it freely.

His weight on her felt perfect, his smell, his energy, him. She could tell him apart in a sea of darkness. Oh, his hands! one sneaked between their bodies to rub her clit. She thrust her hips up to meet his and felt overfull. Climax shook her unexpectedly, she tensed under him throwing her head back in a silent scream.

Sesshomaru felt her clench around him tightly and almost sobbed. He pushed into her fiercely once more and his cock pulsed hard and hot with his release. "Kagome," he said her name like a prayer. After a dazed moment of bliss, he rolled them to have her on top of him and held on tight running his fingers gently down her back. Kagome tried to pull away after a while but his iron grip kept her in place. "Stay," he pleaded no ready to let her go, she nodded against his skin.

A little while after when Kagome moved away he didn't stop her this time but sat up in the bed mutely watching her. Kagome saw his eyes full of tenderness and a little madness, where she recognized a fear much like hers. He followed her every move as if she would disappear when out of his sight. She cleaned herself as best as possible with his discarded kosode, checked if the door of the bedroom was closed, and got back in bed with him unfolding the blanket over them both. She laced her fingers through his and settled in the crook of his arm. He released a deep breath and pulled her closer.


	22. Chapter 22

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 22**

Sesshomaru woke up in bed alone which was at odds with the flashes he had of arms full of Kagome and dark hair splayed over the pillows. He sat up slowly and closed his eyes trying to reconcile both scenes. He had dreams of her that felt real and solid before, but this was different, he felt the warmth next to him and the scents in the room spoke of last night. Taking a deep breath he tried to dispel the lingering doubt but was interrupted by the door sliding open.

She stepped into the room carrying a tray with tea and two cups. "Hey. I hope I didn't wake you" she smiled serenely at him, placed the tray on the bed, and took her former place at his side.

He had to swallow the knot that formed in his throat before answering "You were gone when I woke up." Her hair was rumpled with sleep and she was wearing his kimono as a robe haphazardly tied with his sash, she looked splendid. "You are up early" he remembered fondly how much she loved sleeping in and the struggle it was getting her out of bed in the mornings.

"Yep. I'm surprised you slept through the night. I woke up a couple of times last night thinking I was going to find you glaring in a corner" Like you did often back then. After breaking the wall of intimacy last night, reminiscing about the past didn't hurt so keenly.

"I yearned to have you in my arms for a long time Kagome, I won't just let you go," he said as he remembered her trying to pull away last night.

Kagome tucked his hair behind his pointed ear and planted a sweet kiss on his temple. "Tea compliments of Jaken," she said while pouring the steaming liquid into both cups. "He intercepted me on my way to the kitchen" she winked. Before picking up his cup, Sesshomaru took her hand and kissed her knuckles making her shiver pleasantly. She knew all too well that he was still naked under the covers, it would be easy to get tangled, again and again, she sure wanted it, but more than that she needed reassurances.

She had no idea where this was going but refused to be reduced to a bed warmer. She wanted more, she deserved more. She was strong and knew he respected that, she wanted to be an equal no a lesser partner limited to sexual encounters or an untouchable thing placed high up in a shelve like a trophy. After taking a couple of sips she gathered courage enough to ask, "I was thinking we could spar before breakfast." she bit her lower lip in a nervous gesture she thought long forgotten.

He sensed this was important to her and agreed readily withholding his reservations.

His sensitive ear caught Rin's steps and Jaken's dutifully following behind. Responsibility in check for the moment and tea finished, he pulled Kagome down to bed and hugged her tightly, burying his face in the crook of her neck. She relaxed progressively as he stayed in the same position without moving. He really was not ready to let her go. This was it, what he had wanted for so long, what he dared pray knowing it could not be possible and yet here they were, together and impossibly close, smelling of each other, not sure where one ended and the other one started. That choking thing lodged in his throat once again and he felt his eyes burn.

Kagome ran a hand up and down his back "come on sleepy head, it's a beautiful morning." She pulled away giving him a dazzling smile. When she got out of bed, he followed her with his eyes as she disrobed and dressed in last night's clothes. He was lucky to get a glimpse of her lovely naked figure for a handful of seconds while she searched for her underwear that was finally found at the furthest corner of the room.

Once done dressing Kagome looked up to find Sesshomaru's hands moved to tightly fist the sheets, sitting in bed, eyes full of lust. She blushed with anticipation but shook her head quickly and headed for the door. "Meet me at the dojo when you are done here" she walked away smiling at his startled face.


	23. Chapter 23

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 23**

Kagome's trip to the dojo became a little more interesting when Inuyasha caught up and started walking beside her. "You here a little early, don't ya think," the half-demon said pushing his lips hard trying to contain a grin.

"Hmm" was the only thing she said betting on his impatience. She let him simmer for ten paces and was rewarded when he stomped his feet on the wood floor akin to a childish tantrum.

"Keh, stupid! even if I didn't make it home in time to hear the ruckus I still have a nose ya know!" he scowled at her and crossed his arms over his chest in righteous anger.

She played innocent. "Ahhh, that. Yes, yes. If you want to know, your brother's dic-"

"Shut the fuck up wench!" Inuyasha gritted blushing deeply and covered her mouth with one hand "argghhh, thanks for the picture idiot"

She removed his hand laughing with abandon. "We'll yasha, you asked"

He did a full body shudder "Oi! Where you going?"

"The dojo. I'm sparing with Sesshomaru" she said walking towards the large building.

"Comin, no way I'm missing this" he jogged after her to catch up.

* * *

Sesshomaru heard Kagome and Inuyasha bickering amicably as he approached the training hall, his lip quirked, some things had not changed. He belatedly thought to thank his brother for keeping Kagome safe all those years, he knew that the half-demon would never let anything happen to her.

They were arguing at the center of the room and stopped to look at him as soon as he walked in. Kagome walked towards the back of the room and Inuyasha walked to meet him halfway.

"She can take you, take her seriously and don't piss her off." his brother told him seriously and immediately went to sit by one of the walls at the other end. Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow at the comment and turned to see Kagome approach with two swords in hand.

"Swords right?" She asked and he nodded dumbly, _what else?._ She handed him one of the blades hilt first and walked to the center of the room once again where she stood waiting.

Kagome's blue eyes were bright with excitement, chin up, shoulders back. A warrior eager for battle. He mirrored her stance with his easy elegance as they sized each other. An untrained witness would see no movement, nothing of how their power tested, waves and gushes, reaching and pushing. Her smile didn't waver, if anything it grew as he had to let go of the binds he used to keep his energy tightly coiled to be able to match the swell of hers. He went from hesitant and mildly stunned to eager for more.

After an unspoken cue, both widened their stance and ready the weapons. Her leg muscles tensed and sprung to slash at Sesshomaru's head. He brought up his blade to parry the blow and smirked. She lashed out again harder, Sesshomaru took a step back and blocked the blow. The shriek of metal on metal made him wince visibly as she pushed harder and he held her off. She jumped back giving him the chance to attack first, but the fool didn't take it. She surged forward in a flurry of blows that rang like bells every time he blocked them. She quickly realized, with aggravation, that he was not even trying.

Sesshomaru was impressed, not only was she fast, but her technique was elegant, effective, and studiously applied. He was mildly thrown off when he heard her growl, an impressive growl coming from a human. Her eyes flashed with determination and struck again. She aimed high again and he got ready to block, but at the last moment almost faster than he could see she sidestepped and he only saw the glint of the blade before she jumped back looking satisfied. It was the movement of her wrist as she flicked the blood off her blade that clued him in. He first felt the weight of his sleeve sliding off his arm followed by the burn of the cut.

His eyes widened minutely when he felt it and turned his head slowly to look at his arm. The calculated way in which she moved the blade managed to cut the whole sleeve off but by a small piece closer to his ribs, the cut was intentionally shallow and long, it would hurt but heal fast. She was smirking at him by the time he circled back to her face. Kagome wiggled her eyebrows mockingly and tilted her head. The pink tint that colored his eyes got her adrenaline to new levels.

Inuyasha had a hard time following what happened next. Sesshomaru smiled, a terrifying sight before he struck. He leaped at Kagome in a rush of white and she jumped up to meet him, producing a ringing noise and blurs of metal. Kagome shot out of the mass, sliding on both feet and using her left hand on the floor to slow down. Before she charged again, he barely had time to notice a cut on her wrist. They came back at each other, swords flying in arches and blows that looked like a blur to Inuyasha. He smelled blood but couldn't see much, he swallowed hard. Kagome launched herself at Sesshomaru making him lose his balance for a moment landing hard. Inuyasha saw his brother's face change before a rush of energy and a mass of white tackled Kagome.

He saw red. The scent of blood, the rush of the fight, the clang of metal, the pulsing of his muscles, a worthy opponent. Tunnel vision closed in. Everything he thrived on, his nature and instincts were burning bright. He had once long ago lived for conquest, slaying anyone in his way, he celebrated spilled blood and the dead of his enemies. Sesshomaru felt his wild nature take over for just a second and that was enough, terror clutched his heart. When he came to, Kagome was stretched out on the floor pinned under him, his sword held firmly at her throat, a small trickle of blood painted the blade. When he looked at her face he found her smiling. He raised an eyebrow and she kissed his nose. "Draw!" she said with excitement. It was then he noticed her own blade was perilously close to his neck.


	24. Chapter 24

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 24**

Sesshomaru dozed, he felt the daylight but was not ready to open his eyes and leave the warmth he was wrapped in, feeling comfortable and at peace. He tightened his arms around Kagome drawing her close, she was already awake. After several nights of waking up next to her, he was still not used to the rightness of it. Even at the peak of his quest for power he had always felt restless, wanting for more, unsatisfied, with her, he felt replete.

He laid next to her half asleep. He looked unburdened, his face calm, almost smiling but not quite. Seeing him this vulnerable made her feel closer to him than sex did. Kagome felt privileged to see him that way, just as she did all those years ago and that scared her. She knew with conviction he was sincere, her nose told her so. His caress in the intimacy they shared was sure, and the touch of his energy the rest of the time was unwavering in his honesty. She was afraid and so she tried to keep a distance.

Sesshomaru blinked his eyes open, Kagome smiled at him. He ran his hand up and down the softness of her naked back. He had tried to see her every day since that first time, some days she would stay completely away, some others she would agree to meet and sent him home after their time together, a few other he would get really lucky and got sleep with her through the night. "Good morning," he said blinking slowly again as flashes of lips and tanned skin and soft moans came to him, he felt the beginning of an erection.

"Good morning sleepy head. Is it old age that has you sleeping so late?" she asked playfully. It wasn't really late, but Sesshomaru was known for not sleeping. A demon as powerful as he was didn't require daily rest and could go for weeks without nothing more than a light doze, sleeping the whole night was a choice for him which he rarely made when they were together before. He answered by burying his face in her neck, his hair tickled her nose.

Her giggle made him yearn for her, her playful nature and open personality were irresistible. Out of the many reasons he believed their relationship wouldn't work before, he thought that sharing his life with someone so different from him would be impossible, now he realized that was exactly what made her so perfect. She balanced him, she made him whole.

He felt her try to pull away from his embrace and he held on. He brushed back a strand of her hair and gave her a quick kiss. "busy day today" he guessed with a sigh.

"Yes, I have to go home and run some errands. I need to check on Shippo too." She was running out of excuses to stay away. The moment she started to get too comfortable in his arms, the minute she felt this was normal, she had the knee-jerk reaction to run away and keep him at a distance.

"Kagome your son is older than you, he can take care of himself," he said with mild irritation, he didn't want her pulling away and was frustrated at himself for not knowing how to make it better.

"None of your business! I'll be his mother forever no matter how old he is." she was defensive and it came out ruder than she meant to. She got out of bed and started to get dress.

He watched dumbly as she rushed out of the room. It felt wrong to let her go but he wasn't sure what he could do to stop her. This was not how he wanted to start the day. He collected himself and left his room.

"What did ya do asshole?" Inuyasha was scowling at him from the breakfast table.

"Good morning to you too Inuyasha," said Sesshomaru ignoring his question.

" . ?! I saw Kagome leave and she was seriously pissed off" he demanded.

"What is pissed off?" Rin chimed from her seat at the table.

Sesshomaru gave his brother a dark look "Nothing you need to be concerned about, Rin. If you are done here, go to your lessons"

"Yes, Sesshomaru-sama!" the girl skipped away.

Once Rin was out of earshot he sighed deeply and sat down "I don't know little brother. I did what I did, and I don't know how to fix it...I don't know if it can be fixed"

Inuyasha scratched the back of his neck racking his brain for something to say. "What if...well... girls like gifts and stuff"

"I doubt Kagome's favor can be won by trinkets" _what could she_ have _need for? What would she enjoy? What could possibly show a clear sign of his favor and remorse?_ He had flash of recent memory and an idea.

"How was Kagome able to yield transformed Tessaiga" He pinned his brother with a look. Inuyasha was strangely evasive when he asked anything about Kagome's abilities.

The sudden change of subject threw off the younger demon. Fidgeting and stuttering he finally managed an eloquent, "well... she ca-" Sesshomaru loomed over him preventing his scape "her power you know...her energy...aah- some humans can you know... I don't know"

Just as Sesshomaru expected, the question was not answered but neither denied. Kagome could yield a Demonic weapon. "Watch over Rin".


	25. Chapter 25

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 25**

"Miroku has been a doll, cooking, and cleaning. Taking care of everything while I do my school work" Sango said after taking a sip of her spiked warm cider.

They finally found a time to get together, Sango was swamped with finals, so despite the less than ideal weather they decided to meet at a cozy bar downtown to get a real break from routine.

"Aww you guys are too sweet" Kagome took a small sip of her whiskey letting it warm her from the inside. "He is racking up those brownie points towards fatherhood, huh"

"Kags, he used to ask all the time, he doesn't anymore but I can see the question in his eyes. He wants kids so bad. He casually places a hand on my lower belly and fuses over nutrition. It kills me to keep saying no"

"Honey, why don't you say yes then?"

"Timing is not right. I have to finish school and then there the whole start-a-new-business deal, not to mention how our lives take a turn for the dangerous in a blink"

"Timing will never be perfect, you guys are a loving strong couple, having the child you both want will only make you stronger" her voice wavered a little and Sango held her hand, she dismissed her friend's concern with a shake of her head. "You will be an awesome mom, school and work will never take away from that. If that baby comes and you don't want to split your time, then go back to school later, that will be there and Miroku will always have your back no matter what choice you make"

"I know," Sango said drying her tears before they had a chance to fall

"You are scared and it makes total sense after what happened to your family, but this baby will be loved and safe, it will have all of us to protect it. A kick-ass mom and a strong ass auntie"

They shared a long teary hug. The words echoed in Kagome's head, she was afraid too. Being guarded and defensive with Sesshomaru instead of enjoying their time together. She pushed Sango squeezing her shoulders "Now, no more weepy talk. Tell me how you slayed those finals"

"I totally did Kagome!" Sango said with a smile. "It comes easy to me, second nature really when I relate it to my family's training. I think I could handle an extra class next semester"

"You go girl!" the clinked their glasses in a cheerful toast.

"Enough about me. Tell me how things are going for you"

"A little busy planning for New Year's. I got caterers and waiters lined up and getting quotes for decorations and fireworks...you think is too much?" Kagome asked suddenly hesitant. "I kinda feel it is, it will be only us there….but it is New Years so is ok?" she finished lamely.

"Not at all honey, It was a good year. We are ending and starting on a good note, we have plenty of reasons to celebrate"

Kagome blushed faintly "You are right. I'm excited for Rin, I'm not sure she has ever seen anything like it, I can't wait to see her reaction"

"You have fallen hard for that child, haven't you?" Sango said with amusement.

"Is impossible not to. She is the sweetest, and her innocence is endearing. She is also smart and perceptive. Beautiful little thing" Kagome said dreamily.

"And what of her lord?" Sango met Rin a handful of times, besides the cuteness factor, she was amazed at her devotion to Sesshomaru.

Kagome rested her head on the back of her seat and closed her eyes " Sesshomaru is...perfect"

Sango was confused when the statement, full of longing, was punctuated by a sniffle.

"Somehow he manages to be the sexy confident beast of old, wrapped in a fucking bow of tenderness and regret. He looks surprised every time I approach him, sometimes when we kiss it feels like he is going to collapse in awe. He thinks I'm going to fade away, he is just starting to believe I'm real"

"Wow" Sango knew Sesshomaru cared, but hearing this side of him was a big disconnect from the aloof attitude everyone associated to the demon.

"Wow is right, and don't get me started with sex. He trembles under my hand, his touch is reverent, he fucks me as if I am the most precious thing in the universe"

"Sounds divine," she said and then noticed Kagome's downcast eyes"...unless that is not what you want"

"I'm not made of stone, is fucking amazing...but what I want has never made a difference," She said releasing a big sigh. "This responsibility is mine for good and that has always come first even if I want it or not, my choices are not my own"

Sango wanted to ask more, but Kagome stalled her attempt by asking for the check, clearly not ready to talk about it.


	26. Chapter 26

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 26**

Sesshomaru came home late that night to find Rin curled up on Kagome, making herself impossibly small to fit in the minimal lap space. Kagome was stroking her hair gently, humming something that sounded like a lullaby. She contemplated the fire crackling away, while Rin slept soundly. Seeing them made him feel full of something he couldn't explain, it warmed his chest, formed a tightness in his throat, and made his eyes burn with unshed tears.

"Hey," Kagome greeted him in hushed tones "we were waiting for you, she fell asleep and looked so comfortable that I didn't have the heart to move her"

It was past midnight now. When he left the house early that morning somewhat discomfited by Kagome's outburst, he hadn't said bye to Rin. "Ah...she is a heavy sleeper, let me," He said and lifted her, the child shifted but didn't wake.

Kagome rushed ahead of Sesshomaru and his precious cargo to pull back the covers on her bed. Luckily Kagome had suggested she changed into her pajamas anticipating Sesshomaru's late return. Standing at the foot of the bed she saw him tuck Rin in carefully, pulling the warm covers around her, brushed the hair out of her face, and kissed the top on her head. It was the most beautiful thing Kagome had ever seen and had to fight back tears.

"Come," she told him gently pulling on his hand. He followed her obediently to his rooms where she nudged him to sit on the couch.

"About this morning. It was not my-"

"Shhh" she shushed him and covered his mouth with a kiss so sweet it made him dizzy. She kneeled in front of him and started to remove his socks. "Hmm, you have beautiful feet" she continued to hum appreciatively and caressed the appendages. "I almost forgot about your markings here" she lifted one foot and kissed the sensitive stripe that circled his ankle. "I wouldn't want to forget anything." He tried to speak but forgot what he was going to say when she gave the same attention to his other foot. "Ahhh…" she gave him a smoldering look that completely robbed him of speech. "Timing will never be perfect, let's enjoy it while it lasts" He was reminded of her mortality, not that he ever forgot, but still the thought of it stabbed him painfully.

He lifted her up to sit on his lap straddling him. He touched his forehead to hers closing his eyes to hide the hurt and hugged her hips pulling her against him. His pulse was beating hard and slow, brushing his lips against her mouth he whispered "Kagome...Kagome." He kissed her, deep and slow, teasing, tasting, exploring. His groin responded to a ground of her hips against the hardness of his erection. A moan escaped him.

"Let me take care of you," she said kissing her way to his ear, down his jaw, to his neck, a trail of wet kisses and nibbles that made his blood sing. She slid off of him to her knees between his parted legs. She pulled on his collar, exploring his chest with her mouth and hands while pulling the material out of his hakama. He threw his head back overwhelmed.

Without stopping the delicious torture with her mouth, her hands got busy undoing the ties of his hakama and pushed down off of him, leaving him wearing only the kosode now sliding down his arms. She touched, kissed, and nibbled her way up his thighs. His erection was raging and he fisted the cushions to keep himself steady, he knew what was coming and anticipation was making him lose his mind. He had never trusted a lover like he did Kagome, being in a position this vulnerable with anyone else was ludicrous. Only her he would trust with his life and that important part of his anatomy, he closed his eyes in complete surrender and relaxed into her touch.

His eyes flew open when Kagome caressed his testicles, a touch barely there, a tease with her fingers followed by her tongue. He groaned when she took his cock in her mouth, hot and wet, up and down, teeth gracing, tongue lapping around his tender head while her soft hand pumped his shaft again and again. He was making sounds he didn't recognize, whimpers and growls. She took him deeper into her hot mouth applying mindnumbing pressure, deeper and deeper. Balls not forgotten, got the sensual rackle of her nails, continued to be teased gently.

She kept the maddening rhythm up and down, hand and mouth and tongue until he let himself go. He tensed and she slowed but didn't move away, her touch grew softer as the pulsing inside her mouth subsided and she swallowed. She sucked his spent cock slow and soft, bringing him down gently from the blinding climax. He opened his heavy eyelids to find her smiling at him from her place between his legs, luscious lips red and swollen from the activities and her hair a rumpled mess.

The look that graced his handsome face made Kagome fall a little more. Relaxed, content, happy. It didn't look like he wanted to move, she crawled up next to him and rested her head on his shoulder with a content sigh. He twined his fingers with hers and pulled to kiss the top of her hand and held them both to his rapidly beating heart.

She woke up by the movement of Sesshomaru depositing her in his bed. She blinked away the confusion, recalling she must have fallen asleep on the couch. He turned walking away to pick up his discarded clothes. His hair was gathered over his shoulder and she got a glorious view of his naked back, his carefully sculpted muscles, and the grey tint the predawn light gave his pale complexion made him look ethereal, like a live version of pygmalion and galatea

"Hey" She sounded throaty and sensual "come back here" she beckoned him with her hand. He was at her bedside in a blink. "In bed with me" She pulled gently and he came readily.

.Kagome kissed his bare shoulder, "it's late...or early I guess, did you get any sleep?"

"No, I was watching you" he confessed bashfully, combing her hair with his fingers. "You are lovely Kagome" his voice was low and rich with want.

She felt heat starting to pool low in her belly, the image of him shuddering from her attentions ignited a need so intense that hurt. She buried her fingers in his hair and they met in a kiss that had him gasping away from her mouth only to land at her neck and travel down to her chest. After removing her shirt he gave attention to every inch of her breasts with his mouth and hands with no rush. By the time he was done, Kagome was fully naked and panting, aching to have him.

Full daylight was now shining on them subtly through the paper screens. Their previous encounters had been at night, even though he didn't need light to see clearly, the rush to be inside of her had kept him from appreciating her naked skin in detail. He ran his hand slowly up her calves and thighs followed by hungry eyes. Faint scars littered her skin, new ones, not there 10 years ago. He felt the few raised ones in the dark, now he could see them all, so many, thin lines of shiny new skin. He traced and kissed all the ones he found wanting to make them better, he couldn't help sucking a breath at a particularly large one above her knee.

"It's ok, they will fade," she said cupping his face.

"How?" he had to ask. How was this possible? She was so strong, so fast.

"Ahh...there was a learning curve," she remarked ruefully "really, is fine, I'm fine. They will all heal in time" she said pushing him to his back and crawling on top of him brushing her wet folds against his hard cock and rocking her hips.

"Kagome, I want you," he said almost out of breath, and that sentence made everything fall into place for her. He took hold on her hip with one hand and traced her spine with the other, running his fingers from the nape of her neck to the luscious swell of her hips. He groaned when she arched her back bringing her full breasts to his face, he took full advantage pulling one of her pink nipples into his mouth and sucking hard, he applied gentle pressure to the nub with his teeth and she pushed harder into his mouth, moaning his name in near rapture.

She was torn. What he was doing with his mouth to her breasts was driving her crazy and didn't want it to stop, but leaning forward into his mouth meant moving away from his cock and the delicious pressure she needed so badly between her legs. He solved her dilemma running his long fingers over her wet folds and teasing her clit. She groaned as he teased her entrance with his fingers, mindless she ground her chest to his face and her center to his skilled hand pushing his fingers deeper and deeper into her.

His cock was twitching to be inside of her, but he could do this endlessly, to see her face flushed with pleasure and convulsing wildly on top of him, moaning his name voice rough with lust. He rubbed her clit rhythmically, suck and bit her hard nipples, while she rolled her hips against his fingers. It didn't take long before a shout ripped from her throat and she collapsed onto his chest trying to catch her breath.

She gave him great pleasure before, as he thought he gave her just now. His painfully hard erection notwithstanding, he was content to hold her whispering sweet nothings to her ear. Kagome lifted her beautiful flushed face, eyes glazy with desire, and kissed him senseless. He was snapped out of the kiss induced haze when he felt the head of his member at the entrance of her soaking wet heat.

She lowered herself just so and started to ride only the tip, a slow up and down motion and the occasional turn of her hips and he thought he was going to lose his mind. She held his hands above his head taking control and he let her. He relaxed into her sensual torture and was rewarded as she started to take more of him, going lower and lower with every rocking motion of her hips, until he was fully enveloped by her welcoming heat. She released him and placed his greedy hands on her hips where he kneaded gladly. She leaned forward placing her hands on either side of his head, draping a heavy curtain of black hair around him.

She found a rhythm, up and down, fast and furious, she was driving him to the brink without mercy. One more thrust of her hips and he took over unable to hold back, thrusting firmly once, twice, he fell off the edge and came hard with a shuddering gasp.


	27. Chapter 27

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 27**

Shippo was startled awake by the loud call of a bird. He blinked slowly, sinking further into the warm wood planks of the engawa. The night before, the entire backyard was blanketed in snow, but this morning the sun shone brightly melting most of it. Not one to ever waste the chance to bask in the sun, especially during winter time, he laid out facing the clear sky, his long limbs stretched out, his fingertips grazing his mother's who was splayed right next to him.

"Shut it, bird!" yelled Kagome without opening her eyes.

The fox smiled fondly. His adoptive mother easy going attitude flowed with ease, from the relaxed slump of her shoulders to her limp feet to her lazy tone of voice. It was refreshing. After all the years they have lived together Kagome never failed to have a positive attitude and a caring personality, but after Sesshomaru left and she lost the baby a dark shadow lurked, heavy and oppressive and never far from the surface.

During the last six months, much had changed. It started like an avalanche, unexpected and unstoppable, Sesshomaru came back into their lives leaving Kagome in a state of frenzy. She was in awe, she couldn't breathe, utter panic. A little bit a the time she started to dig herself out of the stupor. Her scent turned sweeter and her mood evened out, recently she had taken a glow that rivaled that of her soul. Still, he knew she was keeping something buried deep down, it smelled like shame but it didn't make sense.

"Mama" he called not moving from his position, flat back, eyes fixed in the sky.

"What's up, baby?"

He aimed to say something to gain her full attention. "Do you love me?"

She pushed up to her elbows to get a better look at his face "What has gotten into you…? Of course I love you!" she frowned in confusion, then her eyes went wide "Is this about Sesshomaru?" WAS shippo jealous?

"Yes," he sat up and shook his head "I mean no, not about you and him but about him and you, the past. Not now, before"

At Kagome's confused look, he took a deep breath, straightened his back, sat crossed legged and turned to face her. "You are happier with him, and that makes me happy" he gave her a lopsided grin "but…"

"But what?" she pressed when it didn't seem he was going to say more, "we tell each other everything baby, you know you can say whatever is in your mind" she reached out to him and squeezed his thigh reassuringly.

"That is exactly it ma. Is what you are not telling me that has me worried, I can tell there is something inside of you that not even Sesshomaru being back has fixed and you are keeping it to yourself...I'm here for you, you know"

Kagome was transparent, mostly. Even when she tried to deny it, her friends knew she was not over Sesshomaru and without effort knew the reason behind her questionable dating habits. They could see through her. That is why she kept her darkest secret tucked deep inside for no one to see. She thought no one noticed, but now realized they did but didn't understand it. It was only logical because nobody would expect her to have such a selfish secret, so she kept her shame hidden away.

She had a great relationship with her son, or at least as good as one can have with a teenage child. It reminded her of her own mother, how she confided in her and how comfortable she felt telling the older woman her secrets. Even then, however, Kagome never told her mom how much she really risked her life during the first few years, to this day her mom didn't even know the creature she had turned into. So maybe parents and children didn't share everything after all.

"I know Ship" she scooted over to his side and wrapped an arm around him, leaning her head on his shoulder. It was easier to lie if he didn't see her face. "Is nothing. Just a little afraid...what if he leaves again or something else terrible happens..? Is scary" sounded true enough, even though she knew he would never leave as before. What she was hiding was darker. She lacked the courage to tell her loved ones that given the chance she would forsake all of their lives for her own happiness. Perhaps, she could trust Sesshomaru.


	28. Chapter 28

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 28**

Kagome woke up slowly, her body felt pleasantly heavy, she furrowed into him seeking warmth. Breathing deeply she scented the salt of their sweat and other fluids, under the grime it was all Sesshomaru, wild and strong, like a giant ginkgo in the summer, lumbering over all others in the middle of a forest, fresh and fragrant with new leaves and seasoned solid wood.

She was laying on her back, head resting on his bicep, his other arm was draped over her waist laying on his side. She opened her eyes and met his beautiful golden orbs looking at her, straight through her. The type of look that made her feel more naked than she already was. She had opened herself to him and he was reaching for her soul, scorching her. His intensity was turning her on, she started to feel the good kind of hot. She felt his hand tightened on her hip and saw him close his eyes, when he opened them back up they looked a shade lighter.

He didn't get any sleep, he doze a few times wrapped around Kagome, but images replaying in his head didn't allow him any rest. When the occupants of the house started to wake he sent a warning pulse of power to keep them away and from waking Kagome, who slept peacefully in his arms.

Last night, felt like a breakthrough, she had let go of something that was holding her back, but when he looked hard enough, he still saw fear in her stormy blue eyes and could not phantom fear of what. The air between them started to get heavy with her arousal and something clicked suddenly, he had been thinking for hours but only her scent made him realize something.

He had been around Kagome for over a month and had not scented her heat. His head spun out of control. Not here, not right now, not when it was only them right now, no past, no present, no future. He wanted to ride the wave longer, her joy and warmth, a little longer. But he couldn't. Did the fight with Kagura do more damage than kill the pup growing inside of her? Not being able to conceive again would be a hard blow for Kagome, for him...and it was his fault. Grieve thick as miasma threatened to choke him.

Kagome turned to face him and hooked a leg over his hip giving him a slurty inviting smile. Almost roughly Sesshomaru pulled the covers over her naked skin and kissed her forehead. "Whaaaat?" she said with mild outrage.

He got out of bed and put on a light robe. "Come, cover yourself. You need a bath"

She sat on the bed, blinking dumbly, holding the blanket over her chest. "What just happened?"

He saw her confusion and sat next to her, soothing her hair in a semblance of order. He needed time to process this. "Kagome, we need a bath. Is cold outside, but we have the hot spring to ourselves" he said softly, tucking shorter strands of her hair behind her ear

Her eyes lit up "the bath house" she shed the blanket, got out of bed, and donned his discarded kosode. "Ready let's go!"

* * *

The building that housed the bathhouse looked small compared to the massive main house, but it was spacious and full of stunning details like the rest of the property. The bath was located next to a dense line of trees that provided privacy to the outdoor pool, the other larger pool was covered by an overhang, half in half out and could be completely enclosed by sliding panels. The same water filled them both, steaming hot, and smelling faintly of sulfur. She didn't wait, right after stepping into the room to shed her robe and shot straight for the wash buckets.

Sesshomaru was distracted from his darker thoughts by her enthusiasm. He too disrobed without delay reaching out to Kagome, without missing a beat he took over washing her, she relaxed under his touch. He ran his hands up and down her back spreading the soap gently, next to her shoulders and arms. He picked up her hair and wrapped it in a bun at the top of her head "we'll take care of that later" he whispered in her ear and he moved on to massage her neck, she mewled with pleasure. He didn't miss her backside but kept the touch from turning sexual.

He turned her around and kissed her cheek before kneeling to wash her legs, She took the opportunity to loosely braid his hair. "I like this, this is good," she said thinking about spending time together outside of work, and sex, and responsibilities.

"I bought this house thinking of you Kagome, for this room in particular" he swiftly cleaned between her legs earning a gasp and started to work his way up her torso.

"I know, Inuyasha told me...Thank you" he was cleaning her breasts and underarms with clinical precision, she couldn't help but to laugh, he was trying so hard to keep this from going south. "But I was talking about us together, it really is good. I knew it, I felt it before, but with everything that happened some days I thought I had imagined it."

His hands fell to his sides, grieve and guilt eating at him. She took the rag from his hand and lifted his chin up "you need to forgive yourself, I already did" she said gently as she washed his body, just like he did gentle but precise, no funny business. When she finished soaping him up she wrapped her arms around his middle from the back, chest to back, resting her head between his shoulder blades. "We have to make the most out of the time we have, let's not waste it living in the past."

He covered her hands and gave them a reassuring squeeze. From her place at his back, she missed the pained look on his face. Make the most out of the time they had. Her decades on this earth were grains of sand to the centuries he

They rinsed and sunk into the steaming water. He watched Kagome moan as she walked into the deeper end of the pool, as her body disappeared under the water he remembered her scars and frowned. He recalled digging his fingers into her hips as he came, yet she was unmarred, no new bruises or scrapes. Before, when he would let go and at her request refrain from holding back she would end up with bruises to show for his disinhibition. The water now reached her shoulders as she rested her head against the rocky edge, eyes closed; so vulnerable, so small, so human...or was she, he thought.

She was undeniably stronger, humans could endeavor to improve such things with strenuous training, but ten short years surely were not enough to yield the gains Kagome showed. Her speed alone made that scenario unlikely, there was more to it. She was still Kagome, the sweet scent of plum blossoms that had always been her told him so. There was a new hard to describe mature edge to her scent, but he had simply blamed it on age.

He racked his brain with possible explanations and encountered a roadblock, objectivity. It was impossible when it came to Kagome, he wasn't sure where reverence ended and reality began. He was not one to ponder unanswerable questions so he cleared his mind and made his way to Kagome. The ripples in the water alerted her on his approach, the look on his face must have betrayed his intentions, because she raised her eyebrow at him and parted her legs in invitation.


	29. Chapter 29

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 29**

The relaxing interlude cleared his mind of the heavy gloom allowing him to focus on other matters. He was toweling her dry after their bath and a flash of memory came to him. No more than three days before, Kagome received a large cut below her shoulder during a mission. Sango was pinned and Kagome got her out at the cost of the enemy's jagged blade cutting deep into her flesh. As he surveyed the spot again he could see the faint outline of the wound, pink and a little angry, but knitted back together and fully healed. "How did you heal so fast?" how are you so fast? So strong? All the questions that had plagued him since he came back.

"Ah, that. You noticed" she looked sheepish, took a deep breath and her brow furrowed in concentration."I've been meaning to talk to you about this but never found the right time"

"Tell me," he said sternly, dread was inching closer.

"After we completed the jewel it decided the safest place to be was to reside inside of me. I think because I wouldn't have been able to make a selfish wish" she looked at him expecting something, reproach? He just gave her an encouraging nod to continue, he needed to know ."So you see, it not only lives inside of me, but we are one; the souls that lived inside the jewel and my own, we are one"

He could see it now that he knew what to look for, at the edges of her soul he could feel the seams where the others joined. No rough patchwork, but faint lines that were fading; they were one. She was more than human, but not a demon either; something in between, something incredibly powerful.

"Not long after I started to notice the changes. I was stronger, needed little sleep, stamina through the roof, my senses became impossibly sharper" her eyes took a faraway look remembering. "Power surges were almost uncontrollable, painful...we were all clueless, I tried to hold it in but it was too much. It was actually Miyoga that suggested Sugano-sensei"

Like a puzzle, pieces started to fall into place making the picture whole. Her sizeable power, her healing ability, instincts, even her fighting form "Sugano-sensei? My sensei?" He was surprised for sure, the old dog had been his first teacher and very few fond memories of his time with him remained.

"Yeap, the one and only" she didn't hide her smile, for all the rudeness, her sensei had a soft spot for her "Not without reluctance of course. He considered it as a favor to your family, accepted because he saw first hand what was happening, he kept training me until he said he had nothing else to teach me because he liked me in the end, almost 7 years"

They are by now fully dried wrapped in soft robes, sitting in the low table in the innermost part of the bathhouse. Her reminiscing and he soaking in all the information. "After that, I trained with few others, but he is still my favorite" he snorted, she smiled.

Sesshomaru sat close to her, knees touching. His eyes were half closed and his expression guarded. She could tell he was thinking of the possibilities, consequences, possible outcomes, and she let him reach his conclusions.

When he finally spoke his tone was full on hope, pitched low as if he was telling her a secret. "You are not aging" it was not a question.

She smiled at him and held his hand. "At least slower, I'm not sure. I guess only time will tell"

She had barely finished speaking when he surrounded her in a fierce embrace, hard and unyielding, possessive. He breaded deeply and she noticed the telling smell of salt in the air.


	30. Chapter 30

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 30**

The grey afternoon threatened a frosty night as the preparations went underway. A multitude of paper lanterns strewn across the garden painted a cheerful welcome and plenty brazier made the temperature comfortable for the humans in attendance. Twinkly lights placed in far away shrubs and trees were made to look like fireflies dancing the night away. Besides the lights, colorful streams hanged from the eves and table after table full of food and treats occupied the sunroom and spacious engawa that led outside. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru gave her free reign of their house and she took it in stride

Originally they planned to have the party at her downtown apartment, it would give then a great view of the city's fireworks and was big enough for her little group. Then the list started growing. Rin came as a combo deal with Jaken and a couple of government officials were invited in one of Miroku's political schemes. More the merrier in her opinion, besides they will be getting their very own fireworks show.

"Honey, the place looks great," Sango said wide-eyed as she walked out to the garden "you outdid yourself. Stunning!"

"I wish I could take the credit, my only input here was my wallet" the two hugged tightly. "Where is your better half?"

"He is in the kitchen. I know you told us not to bring anything, but to be on the safe side we got a couple jugs of sake."

Kagome laughed "I'm holding you responsible to keep an eye on your emissaries, Monk," she said to Miroku as made his appearance.

"But why dear, they are quite harmless. You'll have them charmed by the end of the night" he said with a wink.

"Help yourselves. I'm going to finish dressing and get Rin, Sesshomaru kept her busy all day while we set up everything up."

Kagome walked into the house trying to keep her excitement in check, she couldn't wait to see Rin's reaction to the decorations and the plethora of sweets ready for her enjoyment. In the short amount of time she knew the sweet girl they had become close, Rin was like a sponge to Kagome's attention and she was thrilled to give them. Sesshomaru's head pats went a long way with the kid and any praise her lord gave were magnified a thousandfold in the girl's eyes, by no means she lacked affection on that front, but Kagome was happy to provide an extra oomph and Rin loved it.

She reached the room where her finery sat in the stand while an attendant unfolded more silk from a trunk. For this types of visits Miroku insisted on traditional garb, he insisted she had to play the part the songs told about, which she didn't mind, but when the slender woman unfolded the seventh garment she stopped her. "I think that is enough" at the confused look she got, she elaborated. "I'll wear three layers only, there is really no need for so much posturing."

With the extra set of hands, Kagome was dressed swiftly. As usual, she opted out of the white face paint but did agree to wear her hair up which was tucked and secured by a beautiful cream color comb embossed with gold etching to match the threads sawed all over the top layer of her Kimono. The silk was off-white and a pattern of red lotus flowers that started subtly midway down getting more dense lower, and ended in almost solid red at the bottom hem. His colors. Traditional tabi and sandals on, she set out to get Rin.

"Rin, honey. Are you ready?" Kagome said gently knocking on her door.

Jaken slid her door open with reverence, standing to the side to reveal Rin sitting primly by the low table at the center of her room. Her dark hair was arranged in a simple updo, clearly Jaken's handy work, and wearing a lovely yellow and orange checkered kimono tied with a green obi.

"Kagome! Is it time? Did you see my kimono? Lord Sesshomaru gave it to me, isn't it pretty?" Rin was talking way too fast.

"You look lovely, baby" and she did, the finery suited her. "Come here, let me see you." Rin left her spot with a quick jump to her feet, Kagome held her tiny hand and twirled her around a couple of times in each direction, Rin giggled all the while. "adorable!" She declared "good job Jaken" the loyal retainer blushed."Are you warm enough?" she said patting her down and checking the neck for layers.

"She should be fine Lady Kagome," said Jaken "My Lord also procured in case the weather takes a turn for the worse," he said presenting a thick haori.

Satisfied Kagome took Rin's hand. "Let's go"

* * *

Rin was beside herself with excitement and it warmed Kagome's heart. The child squealed at the lights, the foods, the company. She gushed and laughed and thoroughly enjoyed, but all her wonder didn't get close to Sesshomaru's face when he saw Kagome. It dawned on her that the most traditional attire he ever saw her in was her priestess robes, so his first real taste of her, adorned in the style he favored was grand and the approval showed clearly in his face. He looked like someone that found something long lost, something wonderful, some promise of old, and was dazzled by it.

Sesshomaru found it hard to breathe, only her coy smile and sly wink remind him she was not an illusion and was mercifully returned most of his faculties. She was a vision, shrouded in the fine silk her essence shined through, he relished in the fact that he no longer saw her as a weakness. He was painfully aware of the mistake he made before, she never made him less, she never took anything away from him, she had instead made him whole and gave him something he never had in his long years. She was in his life just because of him, not because of interest or political gain or titles or wealth. He knew he had no right to, but he hoped and prayed the Kamis would help him get her to be part of his life again for good.

"They are here my friends" announced Miroku when the honored guests arrived "they are waiting in the sitting room" With that, the adults followed after him, Rin stayed behind watched closely by her green shadow and their esteemed guest's security detail guarded the doors outside.


	31. Chapter 31

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 31**

To keep up with Miroku's show of traditional proprietary Kagome and Sesshomaru were the last ones to be summoned inside the room. He took that brief moment of privacy to hold her hand and kiss her knuckles "You look stunning Kagome" his voice was soft and intimate that promised much for later.

She blushed at the compliment but felt she had to justify the opulence of her attire, it certainly stood out "Miroku has been trying for months to get a meeting and they finally agreed, he thinks we can convince the government to get more teams like us in other cities to protect them, get more funding basically. He also thinks that dressing me to match the stories that circulate helps our cause" she shrugged.

He heard the tales she was talking about, even in his mountain, songs of a warrior priestess reached his ears. It was said she possessed the greatest strength but also the greatest beauty. The legends turned her weapons into magical tools and her dress to be the finest there was. Until not long ago he thought those were simple tales but now he knew it was her and could actually understand what Miroku is trying to achieve.

As soon as they were called in Kagome noticed Sesshomaru's position in respect to her. First, she checked for threats, thinking he was covering her back, but when her search found none she realized he was yielding to her. Yes, this was his house and he was the most senior member of the party, but him staying behind showed his respect. This was her business, her meeting and he trusted her strength. With just two steps, a gesture, in a very Sesshomaru fashion and no need for words, his silent support dissipated many doubts and she struggled to keep her expressive face under control, it would not do to show up crying.

Once inside Sesshomaru kept his deference by sitting just a touch behind her to her right. The guests, Ito-san and Tanaka-san, exchange niceties but couldn't hide the fear. For untrained people, the presence of a demon could be unsettling even if they didn't know why, so at first glance, Kagome chalked their unease to that. As Miroku droned she barely paid attention trying to find the source of their discomfiture, finally, she caught a scent, a feeling, fleeting but still something off. She checked Inuyasha's and Shippo's faces as they sat across from her for confirmation, but besides boredom and false attention, their gazes didn't' betray anything out of the ordinary. She couldn't see Sesshomaru's face but he felt calm enough if a little distracted.

She unfolded gracefully from her sitting position and all at once the voices stopped. She walked over to the strangers in the room and fixed them with intense scrutiny. Her calm but pressing power keep everyone in their place, she risked much if she was wrong, at best offending their employers, at worse she could be accused of crimes against government officials.

She decided to trust her skill and in a cold low voice as to not to alert the guards outside she addressed the sweaty men. "Stop your deceit" They didn't budge but Ito-san's hand developed a tremor.

Miroku looked at Inuyasha hoping to find a clue, but the silver haired half demon only shrugged. "Kagome! What are you doing? He said with hushed urgency.

"Monk, check for wards or barriers" came Sesshomaru's flat voice. He wouldn't have noticed the disturbance had Kagome not pointed at it.

"Huh?" Miroku was fretting. Everyone else remained calmly subdued under Kagome's push, but ready to pounce if they were needed.

"Check these man. Trust your leader, do it" Sesshomaru got up with little difficulty breaking the hold her power had on him, he stood behind Kagome to offer his support once more. In a low tone, he spoke directly to her ear "How?" Was it possible her senses were sharper than his? Certainly not. Was it maybe a human nuisance he was not familiar with? Unlikely. If before he chose to ignore Kagome's new found power, he wouldn't anymore.

Miroku's sharp intake of air indicated he had found something "oh" Five pairs of eyes looked at him sharply "they are warded against detection, something masking their scent, like a cloak. I have never seen anything like it...is of demonic origin"

With an exhale Kagome released her hold and the warriors swiftly moved to surround the other men. "Make a sound and you die" threaten Sango showing her sharp blade for emphasis.

Choking back a sob, Tanaka-san found his voice "Miko-sama we are sorry, we had no choice he'll kill us and our families"

"Who is he?" Kagome's hard gaze started to soften.

"Tsuyoshi-sama...the black dog...he wanted us to get as much information as we could about you all without raising any suspicion" the man groaned "we are as good as dead, so are our family!"

Confused faces reigned the room, all except one "Oi, bastard. You know what these idiots going about?" asked Inuyasha making an effort to keep his voice low.

The realization hit him like a kick in the gut, crushing and pushing vital parts. It was fear; tangling his chest and seizing his lungs. Cunning Tsuyoshi, even after all these years was still after his title, useless as it was. He had always dealt with it, kept it a bay, but now he had others to protect and would not risk their safety. When Kagome turned to face him, the mask he effortlessly wore was cracking with worry.

She stepped away from the pale demon and addressed the quaking men, "leave and do as you were told, say what you have to say. Show everything went as planned. I hope your families are safe" from her friends questioning looks, she insisted "is the best we can you for them...without giving them away." Closing her eyes she said a prayer and wished them good fortune.

Sesshomaru's fear simmered under a thick layer of anger, he didn't want to leave her, but he would do what he must. When he spoke his throat was dry "I'll leave the city as soon as possible. Is me he is after"

"No," Kagome said soft but firm "everyone please escort them out, make sure they leave as soon as possible without anything seaming obviously amiss"

With a nod, Miroku agreed to the plan he could see half-formed in Kagome's short words and at once lead the group outside. She gave him a grateful inclination of her head and a small smile watching him weaving a cover in his speech without missing a beat.

A few seconds after the screens slid shut she turned to Sesshomaru."Talk to me" she took his hand and found it trembling.

He couldn't look her in the eye so he settled for some spot on her shoulder "I'll leave at once. I will not endanger you" he turned for the door but was stopped by the firm grasp she still had on his hand. He looked down, his silver hair fell around his face like a curtain covering his face. "I will do anything to keep you from harm"

Her grasp moved to his shoulder turning him around to face her. "Then stay," she said gently voice trembling with the weight of hope, hope that he would not leave again. He finally looked up to see her lips curve into a half smile. Kagome closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his neck bringing their foreheads together, "stay with me."

His mind was in a haze, one of those moments when he was not sure what was real. Surely he couldn't be this lucky, he did little good to deserve her favor, yet he knew he had it. After his shortcomings and mistakes, she was willing to make his enemy hers and stand by his side. He closed his eyes and held her face in his hands, fascinated to find her so small yet able to fill every corner of him. He breathed her in, she was there, she was real. If he was inclined to he would have wept. He was never letting her go, ever.

"...Kagome...I did not -" he hoped he didn't sound as stunned as he felt, words tripped over his half-frozen tongue "I feel you pulling away, keeping me at a distance...If you want me to stay, I just don't understand"

"I know you don't, I barely do myself" She suddenly felt drained. The chaos around her heart and soul was settling leaving her worn-out. But his genuine concern gave her clarity and she latched on to it to stay afloat of her emotions.

He felt the slump of her shoulders and cradled her protectively. She burrowed a little deeper in his arms, knowing this was home and that against whatever odds she would manage to carry her burdens because he was there now to share them.

She sank to her knees pulling him with her and rested her face on his shoulder and clutched to his collar. "I don't think we have been masters of our destiny, something bigger than us had a need and played with our lives to see it made"

She swallowed, this had to be said. She had to unload the guilt otherwise it would drown her.

"From the beginning I was entrusted with the jewel and its responsibility, only I could keep it safe and shield the world from doom at the claws of the spider...the price of my duty was hefty" her fingers clenched harder in his robes "I can't describe the pain I feel knowing that If you had stayed, your strength would keep me from finding my own...do you think I would have risked life and limb as readily as I did if our child came to be and was in need of me?..."

He was beginning to understand her pain, her reticence made more sense. She thought everything bad that happened was necessary for her to be able to protect the jewel. His mind reeled at the possibilities. Was it not really his choice when he left? Was it not just horrible luck to lose the baby? Was any of their choices their own?.

A broken sob escaped her "is too much...knowing the fate of humanity is hinged on my pain and my loss and what it made me...the gods are lucky I don't have the power to go back in time and do it all over again because I would do anything to keep you both...damn the world" She looked at him, eyes impossibly bright with tears, and love, and desperation. Her biggest secret, her shame, her guilt. She would give it all up for him, for them "so you see, I need you because together we have the power to carve our fate" She unravel in front of him and he held her together.

Sesshomaru didn't know exactly how, but they were kissing and her mouth was warm and sweet and he buried his fingers in her hair. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, he could feel all of her finally, her alluring curves and her dazzling soul, no holding back no hesitation. He let himself fall into her, lost himself in her mouth and touch. They stayed in each other's embrace for a long time.


	32. Chapter 32

**She is alive**

* * *

 **Chapter 32**

Kagome sat in the dark room waiting for Sesshomaru. She had shed most of the heavy layers now wrapped only in a thin cotton undergarment. She felt lighter than she had in years, the guilt gnawed at her for so long was now relieved knowing he didn't judge her. Maybe it was because she gave so much, but try as she might she could not change her feelings. She would, given the choice, protect their baby and keep him close consequences be damned. Contradictory to her selfish wish, it was how insurmountably glad was of not having the actual chance; she prayed time travel was never an option for her.

The sliding of panels announced his arrival. "She didn't make it easy, huh? The party wind down shortly after the meeting. The frightened man struggled to keep their composure, but the threats in their families kept them in check and left quietly shortly after. Not long after the fireworks, Sango and Miroku said their goodbyes after extracting a promise to talk about the issue at length as soon as possible. Inuyasha and Shippo made their way to another party, the night was still young for the energetic pair. Rin had consumed her fair share and more of sweets, plus the excitement from the fireworks left her overtired and overexcited, not a good combination, even so, Sesshomaru had taken the little girl to bed.

"No," he said releasing a long suffering sigh that made her smile. "She kept asking for more bedtime stories"

"Ah, I thought as much. Shippo did they same every now and then" She smiled fully at him. Through the thick fog of wariness from the emotional rollercoaster of the last few months and the new possible threat she felt happy and at peace. She patted a spot next to her inviting him to join her.

"Wait," He said suddenly, left the room and returned moments later holding a parcel which he delicately placed in her hands.

"I commissioned it for you" he was hesitant "I'm not sure if the timing is right because...I don't want to wait any longer" and pushed the object towards her.

The gift was wrapped in pale fabric. It was long and narrow, and it thrummed in time with his heartbeat, his power. She unfolded the fabric and found inside a sword, more precisely and demon sword. Brand new and mostly unadorned. She held it and pulled it out of its scabbard. The craftsmanship, the weight, the balance, the quality, everything was perfect. "It's you," she said in hushed tones. The sword responded to her touch and she felt Sesshomaru in it.

"Hm," he looked pleased.

"A fang?" wide eyes with curiosity and awe. At this nod, she explored closer. It was simple but beautifully made. Not garish and cumbersome like Tessaiga, nor exquisitely decorated as Bakusaiga, it was perfect. Close to the hilt, his crest was embossed and what was clearly a depiction of the jewel of the four souls right next to it. She tried to swallow and found her throat dry.

When she looked at him with a tiny crease between her eyebrows he knew she understood. He raised an eyebrow at her egging her to ask her question.

"Sesshomaru...this looks like a courting present?" she croaked

"You don't sound so sure Kagome," he said with amusement. Feeling better than he had in a long time. "Are you not pleased?"

"Wha - No!"

"No?"

"No, No...of course. Is gorgeous, perfect. But I mean - do you mean to...you know..." He couldn't be asking her that, not after she showed him her darkest secret.

"Yes, that is what it means. Unless the ways of my people changed since I've been gone" He could see how wary she was and tried to make light of the subject, but fear pulsed when he noticed the puzzled look she was giving his gift. "Will you have me Kagome?"

Her attention was fixed on the weapon. She pulled it out and held it in front of her, feeling her power flow into it, the sharp blade glowed in response. "Mine" she whispered to the blade. A more traditional courting gift would have been a comb, a fan, a kimono perhaps, but he gave her a sword and that told her everything she needed to know. "Yes," she promised him.

The weight that had for so long settled in his chest lifted at the real prospect of a future with her. He pushed the sword away and wrapped kagome it a tight embrace, kissed her senseless, sweetly, and hungry until they were both panting for breath. He felt her melt into him, surrendering, but also felt her weariness. "You are tired. Come to bed" he commanded softly and steered her to the bed.

Her neck and back were knotted with tension, she sorely needed a spa day. "I am, but we need to celebrate" she wiggled her eyebrows playfully, buy the gesture feel flat by the exhaustion radiating from her center.

"Oh, we will celebrate kagome. Let me take care of you" he pushed her gently to the bed and opened her robe to leave her fully naked. He kissed her mouth, her chest, her belly, and settled between her legs sliding his arms around her waist and kissed the inside of her thigh. She hissed.

Sesshomaru pressed his lips to her center making her cry out in pleasure. He kissed, and licked, and sucked. She tasted of desire and love, a heady combination that had his head swimming. She tangled her fingers in his hair pushing him closer and he smiled wickedly. He didn't stop his ministrations and slid two long fingers inside of her heat making her buck her hips against his face. He kept going, kissing and sucking and pumping his fingers in and out of her until she shouted in rapture as she came.

She sighed limbs melting into the bed. He rested his ear against her belly dreaming of future possibilities and after a moment climbed up next to her. He wiped his mouth in the covers and buried his nose in her hair.

"I love you" her voice full of longing and contentment "I'm so sleepy"

He covered her with the blankets and kissed her ear "Sleep well"

He didn't need to say it back, she knew he loved her too.

 **The End**

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading** (◡‿◡✿) **I hope you enjoyed. Please review and let me know what you think.**

 **AN: I really think the story deserves an epilogue and I'm trying to come up with an idea that will work, suggestions are welcome.**


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